


Soulless Mate

by aae410



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Attempted Sexual Assault, F/M, Minor Violence, POV Second Person, Pregnancy, Reader-Insert, Smut, Soulless!Sam, Swearing, blood mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-04-25 12:56:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 41,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4961464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aae410/pseuds/aae410
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and the reader were a happy couple until Sam lost his soul. Now the reader can’t stand to be around him, which Soulless!Sam doesn’t seem to mind until he starts having these ‘feelings’ that go beyond attraction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Whiskey and Sarcasm

Your relationship with Sam was one you had been dreaming of. It was filled with sweet kisses, warm hugs, hearty laughter, and sacred promises. He called you his other half and you couldn’t have agreed more. Your love was electrifying, to say the least. It left you tingling from head to toe. This was the guy you were sure to marry. When your one year anniversary started to near, Sam got you excited by telling you he had something special planned for you that day. He wanted to make it one of the best days of your life. That was all before he chose to accept himself as Lucifer’s vessel and sacrificed himself for the good of mankind. But when he jumped into the pit he took the promise of being together forever, in life or death, with him. 

And now you were sitting across from this guy who looks exactly like Sam, sounds exactly like Sam, but is most definitely not Sam. Not your Sam. Not even close. This Sam has no soul. And with no soul, this Sam is unable to love. Unable to love you. You’re angry, furious even. Furious that Sam left you and His brother, leaving a shell of himself behind; hardened, and hollow on the inside.

“It’s not polite to stare, y'know." 

Sam’s voice brings you out of your thoughts and you realize you’ve been in a daze, probably drilling holes into this guy’s head. 

You close the lore book you were supposed to be reading before you got lost in your racing thoughts. "Sorry.” You say, your tone not even close to being apologetic. You quickly get up from the table, not wanting to engage him any further, and walk out of the library.

You need a drink. Once you enter your room you grab your jacket, which is thrown haphazardly on the bed, and hightail it out of the Bobby’s house. You and the boys are staying with Bobby until you guys figure out the whole Sam situation. In the meanwhile, you and the boys are just house-sitting since Bobby is about two states over, working on a string of cases with an old hunting buddy. Dean says he should be back in a month or two.

You make the ten minute walk it takes to get to the nearest bar. The bartenders there already know you, seeing as you frequent the place every couple of days. You shake your head at yourself for adopting one of Dean’s bad habits.

“Hey, Y/N.” The redhead behind the bar greets you as you take a seat.

“Hey, Charlie. How are you?” You ask as you take off your jacket.

“Could be better. Some old guy just asked me to be his sugar baby.” You laugh as she makes a gagging noise.

“That’s absolutely terrible. I’m sorry.” You say, still giggling.

“Eh, I’ve gotten worse offers.” She shrugs. “So, how are you doing?”

“I’m gonna need your best bottle of whiskey.” You give her a knowing look.

“Oh, it’s that kind of night.” She turns around, grabs a bottle of Jack Daniels from the top shelf, one shot glass from the bottom, and pours you a shot.

She watches as you quickly down it and grimace as you slam the glass down on the counter. “Ugh. That never gets any easier.” You never liked whiskey but you knew it got the job done so you drank it anyway. “Another, please.”

“Well, since you asked so politely…” She teases as she pours you another glass. You take it, welcoming the burning sensation down your throat.

“Is it Sam?” She asks as she pours you a third shot.

You sigh at the sound of his name. “Yep. Still doesn’t have a soul.” Charlie was filled in on the whole monster thing when you and the boys saved her from a vengeful ghost a couple of months back. Now she’s become your best friend. You can talk to her about practically anything.

“Sorry to hear it.” She says as she watches you take your third shot of the night. You feel immediately feel tingles go down your spine and start to feel as light as air.

You shrug. “It’s okay, I guess. There’s not much anyone can really do about it.” You meet Charlie’s gaze and can see the empathy in them. That’s one of the things you love about Charlie. She never pitied you. She just understood. “Thanks, though.” You give her a sad smile and she returns the expression.

“So, another shot?” She smirks and doesn’t wait for you to answer to pour more of the brown liquid into your glass.

“You know me so well.” You say gratefully before you drink the alcohol. You close your eyes, sway a little, and smile as you open them.

Charlie chuckles at the goofy smile on your face. “How are ya feeling?”

“I feel absolutely divine.” You giggle to yourself.

Charlie nods. “Good to hear, babe.”

“I feel like, I feel…like I’m walking on air.” You sway from side to side, getting lost in the song that’s currently playing.

“That’s a good feeling.”

“It is…” You keep swaying, closing your eyes to feel the full effect of the alcohol.

“Shit,” You hear Charlie say under her breath and you open your eyes, wondering what’s going on.

“What’s wrong?” You tilt your head to the side like a child lost in thought.

Charlie gives you a tight lipped smile. “Nothing, sweetheart. I just remembered that I forgot to turn all of the lights off before I left.” Usually you’re able to tell when Charlie’s lying but in your state, you can’t tell much of anything.

What Charlie isn’t telling you is Sam is just entering the bar and he’s on his way over to you guys. At first, Charlie was going to tell you and help you steer him elsewhere but now she’s thinking that maybe what you need to do is talk to Sam, even if he’s without a soul and you’re practically drunk. What could go wrong, right? Besides, she’ll be right behind the bar, watching the entire thing go down.

You don’t notice when Sam takes a seat next to you. You’re too lost in your own little world. However, you do take notice when you hear his voice. You’d recognize that voice anywhere.

“One shot of whiskey, bartender.”

You sober up for a moment as you watch Charlie supply him with his shot. You keep your gaze on the shelves in front of you, refusing to acknowledge his presence.

“You know I’m right next to you, right?” You jump when Sam whispers into your ear, his breath hot on your skin. You still don’t face him.

“Aw, come on, you’re not going to talk to me?” His tone is condescending and you don’t appreciate it one bit.

You turn to him. “Fuck off.” You blurt out, your filter no longer in effect since the alcohol kicked in.

“Wow. Hostile, this one.” Sam says to Charlie, who looks a bit nervous at the moment.

You roll your eyes and return to staring at the stocked shelves.

“Okay. It’s obvious you don’t like me-

You cut him off. "Don’t you have something better to do? Like, fuck a girl or kill an innocent person maybe?”

Sam shrugs. “In a few minutes, maybe, but right now I’m talking to you.”

“Well, do me a favor and don’t.” You say quickly.

“Did we have a thing or something, ‘cause I’m kinda getting that vibe from you. I might not have a soul but i can pick up on certain things.”

You let out an exasperated sigh. “Why are you still talking? Leave me alone.”

“I’m intrigued by you.”

“That’s nice. Now go away.”

You hear Sam take a deep breath. “Nah, I’d rather stay here and bother you. It’s actually kind of fun. Your nose gets all scrunched up when you’re angry. It’s cute.”

You cheeks heat up at the last comment and you curse your body’s reaction to his words.

“I see that you’re blushing. I think we did have a thing. What happened, did I cheat on you or something?”

You grit your teeth and face him, even though it’s the last thing you want to do. All you want him to do is get off your back and if that means telling him about your relationship with him, then so be it.

“Yes, you and I were a thing, you ass. No, you didn’t cheat on me. We were together for a year and then you lost your soul. And now, I loathe you.” You put emphasis on the last part, making sure he gets the message because it seems like he’s not understanding you at all.

He pauses for a moment. “Y'know, loathe is a very strong word…”

You get out of your seat in a hurry. “I’m not doing this anymore. I’m gonna go and dance because I came here to have fun, not to talk to some soulless dick!” You walk away angrily, not caring what other people are thinking of you at the moment. When you get to the dance floor, you start to feel the effects of the alcohol again. You start to feel less angry and feel more loose. You smile at the feeling, wanting nothing more than to forget about Sam. When your favorite song comes on, you get excited and start to dance. You move your hips from side to side and thread your fingers through your hair. Your hands leave your hair and they trail down your body slowly and sensually, seemingly attracting some of the men around you but you don’t notice. You’re too lost in the music, too lost in your movement to notice anyone else. That is, until you feel a body move in behind you. You look over your shoulder and see a pretty decent looking guy moving in time with you. You mentally shrug and press your back against his chest, making it easier for you to dance together. You dance with him for about an hour and a half, taking a break in-between to take one or two shots, before you begin to feel tired and decide to go home. You begin to take the guy to the empty hallway that leads to the bathrooms so he can hear you better. As you walk over there you see Sam with some blonde sitting on his lap. The image drives a nail through your heart and you take a deep breath, trying to regain focus so you can talk to this guy. You tell him you had a great time but that you should really be going now. You start to walk away from him when you feel a tight grip around your wrist and you’re yanked back into this stranger’s arms.

“C'mon baby, I thought we were having a good time.” He says as one of his hands travel down your backside and squeezes your ass. You try to push him away from you but it’s to no avail. You’re so drunk that you can’t keep his hands off you, much less push him away.

“Stop, get off of me!” You yell, hoping that someone will hear you but the music’s so loud you doubt anyone can. The aggressive stranger throws you up against the wall and begins to kiss your neck. “Please, I just want to go home. Just let me go home.” A couple of tears escape your eyes as you try to plead with the man. You try your hardest to fight him off, kicking and screaming. You’re about to give up when the man is suddenly yanked away from you and thrown on the floor. It’s hard for you to see well in the barely lit hallway but you see a very tall man, your savior, pick up your assailant and begins to punch him beyond recognition. After a few good hits, you hear a bone crushing crack and assume the guy’s nose has been broken. You wince at the sounds of the beating, and actually start feeling a bit scared of the man who has saved you. You’re thankful for the rescue but you’re afraid that he might actually kill the man. You think about intervening until you see him knee your attacker, head butt him, and then throw him back on the floor. It seems like he’s done until the tall man kicks your attacker one last time before he leaves him a bloody mess.

“You okay?"The tall man asks as he begins to approach you.

Wait, you know that voice. "Sam?”

“In the flesh.” He has some blood on his face and hands but it doesn’t seem like he cares. Again, he doesn’t have a soul. “Dean’s been up my ass. He won’t stop calling.” He reaches into his back pocket and checks his phone. He groans and grabs you by the arm, sending a small tingle down your spine, and leads you out of the bar.

No words are exchanged between the two of you until you’re about a minute away from Bobby’s.

“T-thanks.” You say quietly.

“For what? Kicking that guy’s ass over there?” He asks.

You nod. “I, uh, didn’t think you would have-”

“Helped you out after you went full bitch mode on me?”

“Yeah.” Your voice is barely above a whisper.

“I might be soulless but I’m not a complete monster, Y/N. The guy got what was coming to him.”

You nod once again and don’t say another word until Dean opens the door.

“Whoa, what the hell happened?” Dean takes in Sam’s bloody face and fists.

“This guy tried to hurt me and Sam beat him up.” You explain.

“'Are you okay?” His emerald green eyes hold concern as he focuses on you and all you can do is nod.

“Just tired, I guess.”

“I bet.” He agrees as he looks you over, checking for injuries. You should get some sleep.“

"Yeah.”

Dean opens the door completely and motions for you to come inside. You walk into the house and head straight for one of the spare rooms that you have claimed as your own.

You slowly take off your clothes, your wavering balance and hazy vision making you aware of the fact that you are still drunk. You put on white tee and shorts before you drag yourself into bed, suddenly feeling very sleepy once your head touches the pillow. It takes you less than two minutes for you to slip into unconsciousness.


	2. A Day With The Soulless Guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and the reader were a happy couple until Sam lost his soul. Now the reader can’t stand to be around him, which Soulless!Sam doesn’t seem to mind until he starts having these ‘feelings’ that go beyond attraction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this part is a bit of a filler for some reason. So yeah, I apologize for that. It’ll pick up, I promise!

You wake up when you hear the door make a slight creaking noise. Being a hunter, it's always important to sleep with one eye open. Or an ear. Whichever, really.

"Y/N?" Dean's voice fills the room as you sit up and push yourself to keep your eyes open. You look over at the clock and see that it's nine in the morning and groan. As you watch Dean approach the bed with a water bottle in one hand and, what you assume to be, a couple of pills in the other, you become painfully aware of the throbbing in your head and the dryness of your mouth.

"Here." He drops the pills into your open palm, opens the water bottle, and hands it over to you. You swallow the pills and wash it down with the water immediately after.

"Thanks." You say as you move over so he can sit on the bed. He takes the seat and starts to speak.

"How was your slumber, sleeping beauty?" He asks with a grin.

"It was going great until you woke me up. And you didn't even wake me up with a kiss. Some Prince you are." You give a playful roll of the eyes.

"Oh, please! You were already awake, princess."

"Whatever, Dean." You say with a bit of laugh.

He smiles along with you. "So listen, uh, I have to do some stuff and I need you to watch Sam for me." He's pursing his lips, waiting for your initial refusal to his request.

"What? You want me to watch Sam? No." You cross your arms and look anywhere but at him.

Dean rolls his eyes at your response. Yes, he was expecting you to say no but he didn't know you were going to be so childish about it. "It's just for the day. It's so he doesn't get into trouble and all that crap. Cas can't watch him because of civil war he has going with Raphael."

"He's a big boy. He can handle himself." You say, unaffected by Dean's response.

"The guy's a ticking time bomb, Y/N. Who knows what he'll do if we let him go off by himself? He's reckless and he puts people in danger. His four month stint with Samuel is a testament to that. We can't let him hurt more people."

You sigh. As much as you hate admit it, you know Dean's right. You don't want any more innocents being killed. Your job as a hunter is to kill monsters and save people. That's what it's always been about. "Okay, I guess I'll do it."

"Oh, and don't let him out of the house."

Your gaze immediately goes back to him. "Wait, what? It's one thing for you to want me to babysit him but you also want me to keep him from going outside? How the hell am I supposed to do that?" You're fully awake now and you're quite annoyed.

Dean shrugs. "I don't know. You've always been creative. Channel that."

You sigh. "Dean, I hate the guy. And I'm not even sure he likes me all that much."

"Y/N, the guy saved you back there." He reminds you as he tries to reason with you.

"And I'm grateful for that but it doesn't change the way I feel towards him."

Dean's eyes settle on yours and they seem to be pleading with you."Y/N, it's important. I'm working on getting the guy's soul back." He pauses. "Don't you want Sam back, the real Sam?"

You heart jumps at the mere thought of it. It's all you want. "Of course I do."

"So stop being stubborn and look after Gigantor for me." He says with a cocky grin.

You laugh at one of the many nicknames Dean has for Sam. This is for Sam, you think. Do this for him. "Okay, I will. Just...try not to take too long.”

Dean smiles and gets up from the bed. "I'll do my best." He responds and quickly leaves the room before, you assume, you happen to change your mind.

"Great, now I gotta take care of terminator..." You mumble to yourself as you drag yourself out of bed and head to the bathroom. After a quick shower and a change of clothes, you leave your room, making your way to the kitchen while hoping Sam is still holed up in his. But of course you would have no suck luck as you see him and his laptop at the kitchen table. He couldn't have been at the library? He just has to be sitting there? You don't want him anywhere in your vicinity. How the hell are you supposed to be hear him the entire day? You wish he would just leave the house and not come back. Not until his soul has been returned.

"Morning." You're startled out of your thoughts and realize you've been staring at him again. Why do you keep doing that?

You don't respond and make your way to the refrigerator, grabbing a cereal box from the top of it before opening the door to retrieve the milk.

"I notice you like staring at me."

You stop what you're doing for a second before resuming and grabbing a bowl from the cupboard, along with a spoon from one of the drawers.

"Is it a kinky thing? Are you a voyeur?"

You take a quiet, but deep, breath before you pour the cereal and milk into the bowl.

"It's not very nice to ignore someone, especially if they helped you out of a tight situation last night."

You turn around with your bowl in hand, along with an annoyed look on your face. "What is it, Sam?" You make your way to the table and sit down, keeping your eyes on the cereal and beginning to eat it as you wait for Sam to answer.

"You haven't answered my question."

You keep your eyes on your breakfast. "What question?"

"Are you a voyeur?" 

You look up, which is a big mistake because now you're staring in those hazel eyes of his and you're searching for the familiar glint in them but you come up with nothing. They're empty, just like their owner. Just like you. You're getting lost in your thoughts again. Stop it. You shake your head and look back down at your cereal. "N-No, I'm not." You say. Suddenly you're not very hungry anymore.

"Huh." He seems surprised. "Okay. Well, you should finish up your cereal."

You look back up, eyebrows furrowed. "Why?"

"Because," He closes his laptop and rests his giant hands on it. "I'm gonna go to the gym a few miles from here and you're coming with me." He finishes with a tight lipped smile.

"Dean-"

He cuts you off. "I know what Dean said. He said you have to watch me so I don't do anything crazy or something like that, I don't know. Whatever, I'm fine with that. But I'm not going to stay in this house. It's not going to happen."

"Sam-"

"I don't want to hear it. Be ready in ten." He grabs the laptop, pushes the chair away from the table, gets up, and walks away without another word, leaving you to sit in silence and your annoyance.

"Bastard." You mutter before you force yourself to finish the rest of the cereal. You're going to need your energy if you want to be able to keep up with Sam.

Once you're done, you go to your room and throw on a black tee with some yoga capris, along with some durable sneakers. You sigh to yourself as you walk up to the dresser and pull out a sweat headband from a small bag full of rubber bands and bobby pins. As you slide it on, you hear a knock. You give yourself a once over before you open the door, revealing a shirtless Sam, practically making your heart stop. You would have no problem with openly staring at his chest when you were in a relationship with him because you've seen him naked but that's not the case anymore. Holy hell, the dude is ripped. How could you not stare? Again, you had to remind yourself that this wasn't the sweet Sam you were in a relationship with. This is soulless sam. And soulless sam is a douchebag. "I-I'm done." You stutter as you try to focus on his face in order to avoid looking at his chiseled body. Unfortunately, his douchebaggery isn't enough to stop you from being nervous when things like this come up.

"Cool." He smirks and you can't help but glance at his lips, along with his glass breaking jawline.

The words roll off your tongue before you can stop them. "So you're just not gonna wear a shirt?"

"Nope." There's that freaking smirk again. "There's no point. It's just going to get wet." He says slowly, lingering on the last word.

Wait. Did he just-

"Let's go." He walks away before you can even process his words, let alone your thoughts. You decide not to do either as it will just cause unnecessary stress on you. There's an involuntary roll of your eyes as you grab your phone and follow him out of the house and into his fancy black car which, of course, he stole. Sam's silent the entire drive to the gym. His silence is something you're thankful for. You don't want answer any more of his probing questions. He can just use his imagination for those.

Scanning the place as you're entering, you notice there are only a handful of people here. You're thinking it's because it's the early morning. Who wants to go to the gym at this time? Apparently, Sam does, along with the weird people who also choose to get up at the crack of Satan's ass to exercise. Okay, it's not that early but it's early enough. Enough for you to want to kick Sam's ass for making you go along with him. Not that you ever really had a choice in the matter anyway.

"I'm gonna do some pull ups. You're welcome to join me." He offers as he bends down to tighten his laces, which causes his golden locks to fall to the front of his face.

"Why would I join you?" You ask as you try to not to stare at his broad shoulders.

He gets back up and shrugs. "So we can get to know each other. We live together. You can't avoid me forever."

You cross your arms. "I sure as hell can try."

"You're so stubborn." He says with a hint of a laugh. "I think you even might be more stubborn than Dean, and that's no easy feat."

"I guess."

"Alright, well you let me know how that whole stubborn thing works out for you in the long run. Until then, you're watching me do pull ups." He smiles.

You're confused. "You said 'you're welcome to join me'. I choose not to join you."

"I changed my mind. People do that."

You could hurt him. You really could. "I'm. Not. Joining. You." You say you with emphasis on each word even though you know he's not going to take you seriously.

"You sure about that? I could just slip out the back door and just disappear for the entire day..." He trails off, and you know exactly what he's doing. He's threatening you. Sigh. You don't really don't feel like getting a scolding from Dean today so you have to do it. Doesn't mean you have to like it, though. "I hate you." You say, seething through your teeth before turning sharply and making your way to the next room where the bars are. You stand right in front of a colored bar with your arms crossed and murder on your mind. You would never kill him but it's cathartic for you to imagine.

"I know you hate me. You remind me about fifty times a day." He chuckles as he approaches the opposite side of the bar. You roll your eyes, tired of his 'I don't give a shit' attitude but watch him as his hands reach out and grip the bar. You avert your eyes, not wanting to see the straining of his muscles as he does his first pull up. "So," He pulls himself up and huffs. "You and the soul guy were pretty close, huh?" Your eyes return to Sam, wondering why he's asking this question. You don't answer him. You just give him a silent stare. He's the last person you want to talk to about this. "I know exactly how close you were." Another pull-up. Your eyes narrow as you tighten the hold you have around your arms. "I have his memories." Pull-up.

You shake your head, confused. But back at the bar you said you didn't-"

"I lied." His hazel eyes, now dark brown, are staring intently at you. "I was curious to see if you would tell me why you have a stick up your ass." You shouldn't be surprised about how cold and blatant he is but it still happens. He does another pull up. "Like I said back at the bar, I thought he might have cheated on you or treated you badly but from what I see, he's a pretty good guy. He doesn't have half the strength or will I do but he's nice, I guess. That's what I get from the memories anyway." He shrugs and does another pull-up. "So why all the hate?"

"Why do you even care?" You don't understand what he's trying to get out of you. It's ridiculous.

"I don't. But it seems as though you have a personal vendetta against me. And frankly, it's annoying. Especially when you let it get in the way of your hunting."

"I don't-"

"Yes, you do." He interjects with a stern tone. "You're so busy glaring at me that you're not getting the job done. You put Dean, myself, and yourself in danger. Now, I normally don't care about other hunters but you and Dean are the ones who are supposed to help me get my soul back. Can't really do that if you two are dead, can you?"

You sneer at him. "No. I guess not."

"You don't have to like me. I kind of prefer it that way. It makes you more fun to toy with." He smirks and it takes all of you not to punch him in the face.

"Screw you."

"You can if you want." Pull-up.

"Do you talk to all women this way? Like they're meat?"

"Usually. They love it, what with my good looks and all. You, however, don't. You're feisty and unforgiving. It's admirable, really." Pull-up.

You close your eyes as you pinch the bridge of your nose. "Just...just stop talking and finish your pull-ups." You sigh. "Please." You add for good measure.

"Fine."

*

After two hours filled with cardio, strength training, and boxing, Sam's chest is glistening with sweat.

"Oh god." You mutter as you watch him take off the red gloves. He grabs the hand towel from his pocket, wipes his face, and slicks back his hair. His face is blushing red while his lips are a rosy pink. You have to admit, he looks beautiful post-workout.

You, however, look like a mess. Somewhere along the way you lost your headband so your baby hairs are sticking up everywhere, along with hair falling out of your messy bun. Your cheeks are a tomato red and your shirt is clinging to you like a second skin.

"Come on. You're going to lift a 150 weight. I'll spot you."

"Huh?" You breathe out.

"You're going to-"

"No, I'm not."

"Really, Y/N?"

"Yes, really, Sam." You huff. "Look at me!" You gently tug at your baby hairs and gesture to the wet shirt. "I'm practically dripping with sweat. I look disgusting. Haven't I done enough?" You ask with exasperation.

"You don’t t look disgusting, Y/N. I'd take you right here on the mat if you'd let me." You're pretty sure your cheeks went from a tomato red to scarlet in that moment. "Anyway, I want you to try it. I'll be right here with you. After, we can leave."

You think about it. You don't really want to do this as you're super tired but you really want to leave. The weight is heavy but if Sam's spotting you, then he's not going to let you get hurt. He's soulless, not evil. "Fine, but please don't let me get hurt."

"Don't worry, I got you." The promise in his eyes almost makes you think you're talking to Sam again. Your Sam. "Y/N, you good?"

You blink rapidly and nod your head. "Uh, yeah, I'm good. Let's do this."

"Okay. Since you're tired and you haven't done this before, I'm only going to ask you to do one set of five. That's your goal." You nod before you lie down on the mat and slide under the weight. Sam's holding the far two ends of the weight and you follow suit, noting the sizable difference between his hands and yours. "Ready?"

"Yeah." This is going to be difficult.

"Alright, try it out."

You put all of your energy into lifting the weight, all while cursing Sam for talking you into this. The weight is heavy on your arms and you're sure you've only lifted it about an inch before you give up. "Nope. Not gonna happen." You say as you try to catch your breath.

Sam lets out a loud groan. "Come on, Y/N. You can do this."

"No, Sam. I want to go home." You should have never agreed to this.

"This isn't the Y/N I know."

Who the hell does he think he is? "You don't know me at all."

"I know you have fight in you. I see it when you speak to me." You don't understand why he keeps trying to get you to this. This shouldn't even matter to him. "I don't like quitters, Y/N." He says in a low tone.

"And I don't like you but I still have to deal with you. Get over it." You slide out from underneath the weight, get off the mat, and face Sam who is a couple of feet away.

Before you can even blink, he grips your waist and yanks you forward so that you're chest to chest. His hold on you tightens as he speaks to you. "Do you think this is funny?" He growls into your ear.

Sam's phone rings.

He releases his hold on you and takes a step back, his heavy gaze on yours as he pulls his phone out of his pocket to answer it. "Yeah?" He tears his eyes away from yours as he turns to give himself some privacy. A bunch of thoughts are running through your mind as you stare at Sam, surprised. What the hell just happened? What was he planning on doing? Was he going to kiss you? Why did he get so worked up? What the hell, man? You need answers, damn it! "On my way." You watch as Sam hangs up the phone. His eyes are back on you. "I gotta go." Your eyes dart to the phone and then back to Sam.

"What," You shake your head. You're still recovering. "What do you mean?"

"A hunt. A buddy of mine needs backup. He and a few hunters are hunting a wendigo. It should have been a fairly easy hunt except there isn't only one wendigo. There are two. And they've already snatched up a hunter."

Your eyes widen."Two? Wait, you're telling me these wendigos are working as a team and they're hunting during the day? That doesn't make any sense."

"A lot of weird crap has been going on since I've gotten back. It isn't the craziest thing."

"Okay, well, where are they?"

"They're at this remote campsite about five hours away."

"Five hours? How the hell are we supposed to get there in time? Aren't there any other hunters in the area?"

"They don't have any signal out there. The guy was lucky enough to get through to me. I'm going, Y/N."

You sigh. "We're going."

"What?"

"Did you forget that I'm supposed to be watching you? Besides, we need all hands on deck here."

"Fine. But you're doing exactly as I say.

You're not going to argue with him. You can say what you want about him but Sam's a damn good hunter. "Whatever you say, Sam. Got it."

After a quick clean up and change at Bobby's, you and Sam hit the road.

"Dean's surely going to kill me now." You say to yourself as you look out the passenger window.

"He'll get over it." You look over to Sam and he shrugs. "I'm sure he's done worse."

You don't really don't want to think about Dean right now. "So, what's the plan?" You ask, redirecting the conversation to the hunt.

Sam doesn't seem fazed by the change and starts to explain. "We can't take them both on at once. It's impossible. So, we're going to spilt them up."

You nod. "Okay, how?"

"My buddy and his friends are going to go in opposite directions and mark the trees with their blood as we go. They'll each be equipped with flare guns."

"What if both of the wendigos follow just one of them?

"Trust me, that's not going to happen."

"How can you be so sure?" You're not about to let Sam play hang and loose with these peoples lives.

"They may be working together but if I know anything about monsters, it's that they're greedy bastards. All of them. They're not going to want to share so they're each going to go after their own food.

"And us? What part do we play in this?"

"We'll be right behind them in case anything goes wrong. Once the wendigo shows up to take its prey, you shoot. Simple."

Simple? Yeah, okay. "I don't know about this Sam. This sounds risky." You admit.

"It's the only plan we got. Unless you got any better ideas." You shake your head. "Good. It's a plan then."

Most of the rest of the drive is spent in silence. During that time, You take a three hour nap in order to gain energy and be at your best for the hunt. When you wake up you and Sam go over the plan again. After, you go back to thinking about what happened at the gym. You just want to know what was going through Sam's head when it all occurred. He seemed so angry, so...disappointed. But Sam can't feel disappointment. He can't feel at all. None of it makes sense.

*

You and Sam arrive. There's nothing really special about this campsite except for the fact that it's in the middle of freaking nowhere. Nothing's around for miles. You understand why the wendigos chose this place as their hunting grounds. It's perfect.

"Where are they again?" You ask, swatting branches away from your face with the butt of your flare gun as you follow Sam further into the woods.

"They're about a mile in." He answers.

"We've been walking for 45 minutes. Are you sure we're going the right way?" A rogue branch hits you on the right side of your face. It stings. "Ow. Damn."

Sam shows no concern for you as he continues to answer your questions. "He told me to walk in a straight line from the ranger's station. We should be reaching them any minute now."

You don't say anything as you watch Sam. His moves are so calculated and he seems to have a complete disregard for other people's safety. You think about when he called the other hunters 'prey'. It kind of scares you, to be honest. You don't know if you should be hunting with him without Dean. At least you know Dean cares about the people who's involved. His plans don't involve dangling hunters in front of creatures like bait. "Stop." You freeze at Sam's command, flare gun held out in front of you as you look around for any threats. Then you hear it. A muffled cry. It sounds like Sam's name.

"Turn on your flashlight." You follow Sam's instructions, pulling out the object and turning it on, illuminating Sam and the trees around him. You haven't noticed how dark it's gotten since you and Sam entered the woods. 

"Come on." Sam starts jogging towards the sound and you follow suit. After a moment, the cries stop and Sam picks up speed. "Jerry!" Sam yells as you two hurry, your strides becoming longer and faster. It takes you and Sam all of two minutes to get to the screaming man. He looks terrified but is free of any injuries, so that's good.

"Jerry, hey man, look at me." Sam puts one hand on Jerry's shoulder and uses the other to slap him.

"Sam, what the hell?" You look at him incredulously.

He looks back at you. "What? We need to get a move on." He looks back at Jerry and slaps him again.

The man seems to come back to reality and stares at Sam with wide eyes. "They took all of them, Sam. Every single one."

"Alright, buddy, we need you to stay focused. We got a plan." He says quickly.

"Sam, there's only three of us. How the hell are we supposed to do this?"

"We're sticking to the plan, Y/N. You'll go with Gerry and I'll go by myself."

You look at Jerry and then back at Sam. "Sam, no. We can't spilt up. You'll die. And look at him!" You gesture to Jerry, who's still in a bit of a daze. "How the hell do you expect us to do this?"

You watch as Sam takes a moment to consider the options. "Okay, we'll stick together." He pulls a flare gun from his belt buckle, securing the gun in Jerry's pocket before pulling out a knife. "Jerry, you're going to mark the trees with your blood. Y/N and I are going to be right behind you. Don't worry. We're good shots, alright?"

Jerry nods nervously. "Y-yeah, got it. I trust you."

"Alright." Sam nods and slices the skin on Jerry's finger, making a cut just big enough to get some decent blood flow. Once he's done, Jerry starts to speed walk and press his bloody finger against every tree he passes. You and Sam stay close behind, watching For anything out of the ordinary. After about a minute, you hear rustling and you all freeze.

Nothing.

"Jerry, keep going." Sam whispers. Jerry nods and continues to walk.

The next thirty seconds are a blur. As you take your next step, you feel a gust of wind rush right past you and a sudden searing pain right below your left shoulder. You're in pain but your hunter instinct kicks in and you pull the trigger of your gun, sending a flare straight ahead and hitting a target, illuminating the path before you. You're surprised as you watch the first wendigo become engulfed in flames, shrieking as it meets its demise. As it turns into ashes, you remember Jerry and you rush over to him to make sure he's okay, forgetting that there's a second wendigo to be dealt with. You're given a reminder when you hear Sam yell your name and you turn around, meeting the second wendigo as it seizes you by the throat. You drop your flare gun on the ground and bring your hands up to the creature's hold, ignoring the pain in your shoulder as you try to stop it from choking you to death. You hear a gunshot and in an instant you're on the ground, shielding yourself from the blinding flames that are killing your attacker. When he's nothing but dust, you sit up and try to stand but the pain below your shoulder is too much. You're about to attempt it a second time when you see Sam jog up to you. "You alright?" He asks and you nod. "Yeah. It's just my arm. I can't..." Sam kneels down beside you and circles his arm around your waist before he pulls you up with him.

"Thanks," You breathe out. "Wait, where's Jerry?" You turn around and see Jerry right where the first wendigo left him. Sam steps forward and holds out one of his arms, waiting for Jerry to grab on before pulling him up. "Good, everyone's okay. Let's head back."

After saying goodbye to Jerry, you and Sam walk back to the car. You slide into the passenger seat and wait for Sam to get into the driver's seat but look back and see him looking in the trunk. After a minute or so, Sam slides in next to you with a first aid kit in hand.

"Let me see that arm." He says as he opens the kit.

Once you take off your jacket and plaid shirt with great difficulty, Sam rolls up your short sleeve and you wince at the touch.

"Sorry." You see Sam pull out some ointment and you look at him questioningly. "The wendigo was so fast, it peeled off the entire first layer of your skin up here."

"Great." You say before hissing when Sam's fingers first come in contact with the burn. He rubs it in slowly and you close your eyes for a brief moment, finally feeling some relief. Sam digs into the kit again and pulls out one of those huge and square patch looking band aids before placing it over the burn. "Done." He rolls your sleeve back down, closes the kit and throws it in the backseat.

"Nice shot by the way." He says as he puts the key into the ignition.

You realize he's talking about when you shot the wendigo. "Oh, back there?" You shrug. "That was just pure luck. You're the one with the quick reflexes. I could have been wendigo food if you hadn't reacted when you did."

"Yeah, well..." He trails off and starts the car.

"Yeah?" You ask with a hint of smile.

He looks over at you and shrugs. "Couldn't just let you die, could I?

"I mean, you could have. You don't really need me. Dean's the one who's out there trying to get your soul back." You point out.

Sam lets out a small laugh. "Dean would have had a fit if I had let you become monster chow. He'd probably kill me."

You chuckle along with him. "Yeah, probably.

"Besides, I kind of like having you around." The statement is a pleasant surprise but you try not to think anything of it. "Even though you do that weird thing where you stare at me all the time." His mouth breaks out into a wide grin and you playfully punch his shoulder.

"You're such a dick."

"I know." He says as his gaze leaves yours to focus on the road ahead of him. After five minutes of driving in silence, Sam chuckles to himself. You look at him, confused. "Oh, I'm just picturing Dean's face when we walk through the door." Oh crap. You totally forgot.

Dean's going to be pissed.


	3. The Lion and The (not so fragile) Lamb

It's been four days and Dean still hasn't said a word to you or Sam. You knew he would be angry but you didn't think he would stop speaking to you. He only does that when he's absolutely furious. But you can't say that you didn't bring it upon yourself. You did. Still, it bothers you. You think about the night you and Sam got back from the hunt.

_It's eerily quiet when you and Sam enter the house. You look around, seeing everything in its proper place. Nothing's changed. You're thinking Dean's out or in bed when you two walk into the kitchen and see him._

_Dean's sitting at the table, glass of whiskey in hand, with a stare that could kill if you look for too long._

_"Dean-" You start._

_"No. Don't you do that. Don't try to explain." His jaw clenches and you know he's furious. "What did I ask you to do?"_

_"You asked me to watch Sam." You answer softly._

_"And?"_

_"To keep him inside." You add. You feel like child being scolded._

_He downs the whiskey in the glass and stands up. "So how the hell did you two end up going on a hunt?"_

_"How did you-"_

_He interrupts you. “I wasn't born yesterday. Do you understand that he could have gotten you killed?" He says calmly, which worries you._

_Sam steps in. "Dean, I wasn't going to-"_

_"Shut your friggin' mouth." He points an angry finger at Sam. "I don't believe a single word you say and do you know why?" He slams the glass down on the table, making you jump. "You're soulless, which means you don't give a damn about anyone else but yourself."_

_"You don't-"_

_"I don't what? You don't think I know how you work by now?" He asks, stepping towards Sam. "If the people around you aren’t useful, you toss them to the side, yes or no?" Sam doesn't say anything. His silence just proves Dean right._

_"Hell, the only reason why you're with us is because we're trying to help you get your soul back. If it weren't for that, you'd walk right out that door. So please, spare me the bullshit."_

_He turns to you. "You don't go anywhere with him without me. You hear me?"_

_You nod. "Yeah, Dean. Whatever you say."_

_"Good. I'm going to bed." He says before he walks away, leaving you and Sam in uncomfortable silence._

You understand what Dean was saying. He's already lost his brother, he's not going to lose you too. Not if he can help it. Dean's always seen you as his little sister. It's been that way since the first day he and Sam took you in.

"Dean's still being a dick?" Sam pulls you out of your thoughts and back into reality as he walks into the library.

You sigh. "He's not being a dick. He's just...he's just upset. I'll let him work out his feelings even if that means he's not going to speak to me for a while. 

"Sorry." Sam says as he takes a seat near the bookshelves behind you, then opening his laptop and turning it on.

You think about what he just said and cast him a weird glance. "Are you?" You ask.

"Am I what?" He replies, his eyes focused on the screen and fingers typing away on the keyboard.

You shift your body so that you're facing him. "Sorry." You clarify. "Are you sorry?"

“Sure." He shrugs. You give him a skeptical look and he rolls his eyes. "No, I'm not. I don't really care. I just thought it was what you wanted to hear."

"Of course." You turn back around and put your head on the desk, defeated. "Why the hell would I think you actually care? You're soulless." You mutter to yourself. "Wait." You lift your head off the desk and face him again. "Since when do you care about what you think I want to hear?"

He stops typing and focuses his attention on you. "Like I said, I don't. I don't really care about anything. But Dean has me trying this whole empathy thing.” He shrugs. “Personally, I think it's a whole bunch of horse shit since we all know I can't feel anything. But I guess it makes him feel like he's actually talking to the real Sam for the moment so...yeah." He goes back to typing.

"Does pretending to care bother you?"

"It's annoying, yeah. I have to think about everything I say before I say it."

You chuckle. He stops typing and gives you a weird look. "What?"

You shake your head. "Nothing, it's just funny."

"What's funny?"

"The fact that you find having to think about everything you say before you say it is annoying. It's what people do for their entire lives." You pause. "Well, most of them anyway. The people who don't are usually dicks."

"A.K.A me." He points out.

You chuckle again. "A.K.A you." You agree.

"Knock, knock." Your attention goes to the doorway where Dean's standing. He looks a little nervous.

"Hey." You smile at the sight of him and the fact that he actually spoke to you. "What's up?"

"Can I talk to you?" He asks and you nod. You get up from the table and follow Dean out of the library and into the kitchen.

He seems to be thinking about something and you stand there awkwardly, waiting for him to speak. "I'm," he pauses for about five seconds or so. "I'm sorry."

You laugh. "Wow. That looked like it physically pained you to say that."

"Oh, shut up." He playfully rolls his eyes. "Look,” His expression turns serious. “I know it's not easy to keep Sasquatch on a leash. I should have known that it would have been impossible for you to keep him caged."

You chuckle at the metaphor. "Uh, yeah." You say as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Come on, this is soulless Sam you guys are talking about. He’s going to do what he wants.

"But you do need to be careful, Y/N. You love the guy. I know you like to act like you don't and that you hate his freaking guts but you do." You don't say anything because it's true. It really is. "That guy out there is not Sam. That is a shell of the guy. He does not care about you, much less love you." His words cut you at your core but you tell yourself to breathe and to keep listening. "He is out for himself and he is willing to put anyone in the line of fire if need be. You could be that person, especially since he knows you have a soft spot for him. You can't let him in. Can you do that for me?"

"I-I don't let him in." You answer. "I won't let him in." You assure him.

"Good. I don't need him getting inside your brain and picking you apart."

"You know I'm smarter than that." You say with a little more force than you mean to.

"Are you?" He replies, and it's not malicious but it hurts you all the same.

"I'm not a child, Dean. I can take care of myself."

"I know." He says. "Just be aware. That's all I'm asking."

You absorb Dean's words and Keep them in mind every time you're around Sam. You think about how you spit fire at Sam every chance you get. You don’t understand why you do it. All it does is leave you angry. It's not his fault he lost his soul. He didn't choose this so why do you act like he did? So you decide to change. You try to be a little nicer. And it's been working. After a month and a half, you consider you and Sam acquaintances now. Not friends, though. Not even close. But you are able to work together without arguing. Dean's allowed you to go on certain hunts with Sam. And when you are on those hunts with Sam, you have no problem with him taking the lead as long he is reasonable and doesn’t try to use human beings as bait. He’s even the one who patches you up when you get hurt. Granted, He's still a dick but you don't have the urge to choke him every other minute so you guess that's progress. But the most important thing to have your guard up at all times when he’s around.

*

"Where's the party?" Dean asks as he walks into your room while you're applying lip gloss.

You press your lips together, smearing the lip gloss over them before you turn around with a chuckle. There's no party, Dean." You put the cap back on the lip gloss. "I'm just meeting a friend."

"And do you usually wear tight jeans, lip gloss, and get your hair done just to meet a friend?" He asks with a cocky smile.

"You can wipe that stupid smile off your face now." You say playfully. "And yes, I do. I haven't seen him in a long time and I just want to look nice. Between researching and hunting, I have no time to play dress up. This gives me a reason to."

"I still say you're going to try to bone the guy."

"Did you forget that I'm still very much in love with your brother, you know, the one I'm still in a relationship with?” You remind him.

Dean shrugs. "The guy's soulless right now. It's basically a free pass. I won't tell if you won't." He winks and you bust out laughing. It takes you a couple of minutes to compose yourself before you answer.

"I appreciate the offer but no. 

"Your loss. Just remember that I gave you an out. 

You giggle as he walks out of your room. "Okay..." You say as you look at yourself in the mirror. "I think I'm ready."

You throw on your jacket and walk right out of the room, not knowing Sam was walking by at the same moment and you bump into him. "Shit, sorry." You apologize and look up, meeting Sam's hazel eyes. They seem to be getting lighter by the day. You wonder if it's because you see him in a better light now.

"Y/N?" He questions.

Of course you still manage to get lost in his eyes. "Yeah, the staring, I'm sorry." You shake your head at yourself as zip up your jacket.

"No, not that. You look nice." He says.

"Oh, thank you." You smile.

"Where are you going?" He asks.

"Oh, just going to meet a friend for drinks."

"Girls night?"

You shake your head. "Nope. Meeting an old guy friend."

The hazel in his eyes slowly changes into a dark brown. "A guy? Why would you go out with a guy?" 

"Because he's a friend?” You say, looking at him like he’s not sharpest tool in the shed. “Girls can have guy friends. It happens, Sam."

"Then why do you have makeup on? Makeup is only used for dates."

"That's not its only purpose. Women don't only wear makeup to impress men, contrary to popular belief. Women wear makeup to make themselves feel good.” You finish, slightly annoyed at the fact that you have to give him this speech. You wouldn't have to explain if he had a soul. Sam with a soul already knows this.

"Whatever. Have fun." He says before walking away. You roll your eyes before shrugging off his dickish behavior as you’re leaving the house, ready to have a good night.

*

The friend you go out to meet is Brady. You became friends with him in your first year of college. He sat next to you in your Freshman Seminar class. He was always making jokes because the class was extremely boring. He's probably the only reason you made it through it, to be honest. So when he called you and asked to catch up, it was a no-brainer.

"Y/N! Hey!" Brady waves you over and you can see Charlie behind the bar, eyeing the two of you suspiciously. You smile at her and shake your head, a signal used to tell her it's not what she thinks it is. Your smile gets wider as you approach Brady. His arms outstretch right when you get to him and you hug him, squeezing him tightly as you do. When you pull away, you take in his sandy blonde hair and his ocean blue eyes, along with the crisp, black suit he's wearing. He's still as good looking as when you left him.

"How are you?" You ask with enthusiasm as you take a seat on a bar stool, taking off your jacket once you're on it.

"I'm great! And you, you're just as beautiful as ever." He says with a smile, flashing his pearly white teeth and you hope you're not blushing as hard as you think you are.

"Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself." The comment makes you both chuckle.

The night starts off with the usual small talk as he tells you he's working for this Fortune 500 company and currently traveling all over the world, sealing deals and making money. You smile and nod, happy he’s doing well for himself. He asks you what you're doing and you tell him you're an FBI agent, which he seems to love. "Women in uniform are sexy." He says with a charming smile and you end up blushing for the second time. As the night goes on, you and Brady reminisce about the college years, talking about your wild nights and dreadful mornings, along with nutty professors and that one student who never knows when to shut up. And of course you notice the 'accidental' brushing of his hands against yours, the well-timed winks, and the endless of amount of compliments. And to be honest, if you weren't a hunter and madly in love with a soulless guy, you would have fallen for all of it. But that isn't the reality and you decline when he asks you out again, and tell him about Sam. He takes the blow graciously and even asks you to tell him more about your boyfriend. At the end of night, with a kiss on a cheek and a bone crushing hug from Brady, you leave the bar and check your phone to see you have two missing calls from Sam.

In the middle of calling him back, you're not paying attention to where you're going and bump into someone. "Oh crap, I'm so-" You look up and even in the dark, you know who it is. "Sam?" You ask, confused. "I was just calling you back." You look at your phone and press the end button. "Wait, what are you doing here?"

"Dean was worried." He says simply.

"Dean was worried? He was the one who was so excited for me to 'get some' tonight."

"You were going to sleep with him?" He asks, his jaw clenching.

"No." You say, exasperated. "I already told Dean I wasn't. He's just a friend."

"I see." He says, his face now relaxing.

"If he was so worried, why didn't he call me himself?"

"He was busy."

"Too busy doing what?" This doesn't make any sense.

"Don't know."

Now you're annoyed. "So he sent you to check up on me?"

He shrugs. "I volunteered. I wasn't doing anything else."

"You volunteered?" You ask, skeptical. But you stop yourself. You're tired and it's late. You just want to get home. "Whatever. I don't get Dean." You walk past him and make your way to Sam's car. "Or you, for that matter." You say, loud enough for him to hear, knowing he's right behind you.

Once you get to the car, the lights blink and you hear all the doors unlock. "Thanks." You mutter as you open the passenger door and slide in.

"So, did you have fun?" He asks as he slides into the driver's seat. 

"What does it matter to you?" You snap. You know Sam doesn't care about these things so why does he bother asking?

He puts his hands up in surrender. "Just trying to make conversation." He puts the key in the ignition and starts the car. You don't say anything else and he starts driving.

*

You try to rub the sleep out of your eyes as you walk down the hallway and into the kitchen. You mutter a “good morning” to Sam and Dean as you walk past the table. It isn't until you're about to open the refrigerator door that you notice a certain blue eyed angel is present.

"Cas!" You make your way over to him and pull him into an embrace. You always enjoy when Castiel's around. His awkwardness and how he always seem to make Dean feel uncomfortable, makes you laugh and makes the overall mood lighter. He's also helped you and the boys out of a lot of tight situations so you're grateful you have him around.

The angel hugs you back, though not as tightly. He's always been afraid of hurting you when it comes to things like that. You pull away with a smile. "How's it going?"

Castiel nods. "It's going, I suppose."

"How's the war with Raphael?" You ask.

"It's not going very well. Raphael is gaining followers as we speak." He says, making you frown.

You place a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Sounds rough, Cas. But if you need to focus all your energy on the war, why are you down here?"

"Dean called me. I haven't found any new information on who could have pulled Sam out of the cage without his soul."

You nod. "Any leads on how to get it back?" You ask, trying to mask how desperate you are for any clue on the matter.

Castiel sighs. "Unfortunately not."

You nod, this time trying to mask your disappointment. "It's okay. Thank you for trying. We really appreciate it." You force a smile.

"It's the least I can do. Y/N, can I speak to you in private?" He asks, his expression serious.

"Uh, yeah. Of course, Cas." You say, wondering what's so secret that he can't tell you in front of the boys.

Castiel takes your hand and pulls you out of the kitchen and into the library. Once you're there, he leans his head to the side and looks out of the opening to the library, probably to make sure Dean and Sam are not listening in. His gaze returns to you and you feel yourself start to get nervous.

"What's up, Cas? Something wrong?" You ask.

"It's about Sam's soul. 

You start to get even more nervous and your breaths get heavier. "What about his soul? 

"Y/N..." He says carefully. "Sam's soul has been in the cage for about six months now."

"Yeah?" You ask, urging him to go on.

"Well, Lucifer and Michael are extremely upset with Sam so somehow, some way, they’re going to get their frustrations out."

"And they're doing that by taking it out on his soul." You say solemnly, suddenly understanding what he's getting at.

"I can only imagine the condition it's in. I'm not sure it would be wise to put that thing back in him."

"What would happen if we were to put it back?" You ask. You need to know if it's worth risking the consequences.

"Paralysis, Psychosis, you name it. There's a big chance he could become a drooling mess once it's done with. It’s either that or he doesn’t survive.”

You don't say anything. What are you supposed to do? You can't leave Sam walking around soulless. Dean's right, the guy's a ticking time bomb. He'll just hurt more people. But you can't put his soul back either because he could go crazy or he could be killed in the process.

"I'm sorry, Y/N." You can tell by the look on his face the apology is genuine.

"It's okay, Cas. Thank you for letting me know." You say. But it's not okay. All you want to do is hide from everyone.

"Give Sam and Dean my regards." He says before you hear the sound of wings fluttering and seeing that Castiel has disappeared.

You walk out of the library feeling defeated and decide to forgo breakfast as you walk past the kitchen. You ignore Dean's attempts to try engage you in conversation and continue to walk to your room. You barely make it to the door when you feel a strong hand wrap itself around your wrist. You turn around and see Dean, his emerald eyes filled with concern.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asks softly, his hand still wrapped around your wrist. You tiptoe to look over Dean's shoulder just to make sure Sam isn't behind him before you pull him inside of your room.

"Did Castiel talk to you about what would happen if we put Sam's soul back in him?" You ask hurriedly.

"Yeah." He says like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Um, what are we going to do?" You ask, not understanding why he isn't freaking out like you are.

"When we figure out a way to pull Sam's soul out of hell, we're going to shove it back in him."

"What? Dean, didn't you hear what Castiel said?" You whisper harshly. You don't want to risk Sam hearing any of this.

"I heard him loud and clear, sweetheart. We're sticking to the original plan." He says calmly.

"Dean, he could die!" You yell, completely forgetting about staying quiet.

"Then at least he dies human!" He shouts back, his emerald eyes desperate and angry.

You try to calm him down. "Dean..." But no other words come out.

"I'm-" He turns away from you and throws his hands up in the air out of frustration before he brings them back down to his sides. You watch his profile as he pinches the bridge of his nose. He turns back to you and speaks slowly. "What he is right now, is not human. Not even close."

"So you're just going to risk his life?" You hear what Dean's saying but thinking about Sam's potential death is making you think twice about this. Yeah, he's soulless but at least he's alive.

"You're damn right I am. If it means not releasing another nuke into the world and possibly having my baby brother alive, then yes."

You don't say anything to him. You just stare. Dean sighs. "This is the only way we can get him back, Y/N. I need you to see that." He says softly.

You hate to admit it, but he's right. There's no other option.

"Okay." You breathe out. There's nothing else to say.

"C'mere." Dean pulls you into a hug, offering comfort, and gives a gentle kiss to your temple.

You and Dean don't notice Sam standing at the opening of your door.

"Sorry, am I interrupting something?" You step away from Dean and look at Sam, who has an unreadable expression on his face.

"Ever heard of knocking?" Dean asks sarcastically.

"Did you forget we have a hunt to get to?" Sam retorts.

Dean rolls his eyes before he takes a second to speak to you. "We're out in twenty, Y/N." Dean tells you before he walks out of the room with Sam right behind him. You chuckle to yourself, thinking Dean’s probably embarrassed Sam caught him having a chick-flick moment. You take a quick shower, then throw on some comfortable clothes, and eat a quick breakfast before the three of you are out the door.

After an hour and a half on the road, you ask Dean about the hunt. "Five men dead over the course of a month and all of them have the exact same bite marks on the left side of their necks."

"Okay, so we have a vamp on the loose." You say.

"I think we might be dealing with a nest. A hunter named Edgar just worked a case there last month, similar to this one, and killed a vamp. Now it's happening again. There has to be more of them." Dean informs you.

"Where do we think they're holing up?"

"This old, abandoned warehouse a mile or two away where the murders are taking place."

"What's the plan?"

"Go in there, guns blazing." He says with a smile and you shake your head at him. "Nah, we're going to take them out one by one. We don't need to deal with ten vamps at once."

"Definitely." You agree.

Dean pulls into a gas station and gets out of the car, closing the door behind him. After a minute, he pokes his head in the open window next to the driver's seat. "Gonna get some snacks. You guys want anything?" He asks. You shake your head and look at the back of Sam's head.

"I'm good." Sam answers. Dean pulls his head out and walks away, leaving you and Sam alone in the car.

You sit there in silence with your hands in your lap, your conversation with Dean still fresh in your mind.

"So you and Dean, huh?" Sam asks.

“Huh?" You're confused.

"I know I walked in on a moment earlier. Do you like him? 

"Ew, no. He's practically my older brother. He was just trying to make me feel better." You explain, wondering what the hell Sam's problem is.

"And Cas? I saw you two holding hands. Are you two a thing now?"

“You're fucking delusional." You say bluntly.

"I'm just making observations."

"Y'know if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were jealous." You say. "But I do know better and I know you're just being an ass. So please stop. I don't have time for your games today."

"Wow, who put a stick up your ass?"

"You did. Now please shut the hell up. I'm not going to say it again." You honestly don't want to be mean to him but your head is in a frenzy and he's not helping in the least.

"Alright, alright. I'll leave you alone." He says and you almost feel bad but whatever. He'll get over it. He doesn't feel anything anyway.

It takes another two hours to get to the destination. You look out of your window and eye the warehouse. On the outside it looks like any other warehouse. It's brown and it looks like it's about to collapse any second. The only difference is that it's housing vampires. No big deal.

The three of you get out of the car and you stand right beside the trunk, waiting for one of boys to hand you a flashlight, a machete, and a fanny pack equipped with syringes full of dead man's blood.

"Y/N, you have eyes on the right." Dean tells you. He then points at Sam. "Sam, you keep your eyes on the left. And I'm in the middle. Got it?" You and Sam nod at Dean's instructions.

"Alright. Let's kill these sons of bitches." He says with a cocky grin as he slams the trunk down. You roll your eyes but follow him and Sam into the warehouse with a smile. Once you're all inside, you turn on your flashlights. The three beams of lights illuminate the dark space and all you can see right now are stacked boxes. You stay focused, paying attention to anything that may indicate a vamp is about to attack. You look over at Dean and see something moving in the dark behind him. It's a silhouette of a person, most likely a vamp.

"Dean, behind you!" You yell and in one swift motion, Dean turns around and cuts off, what you assume to be, a vamp's head. It hits the floor with a thud. From there on, it’s all quick thinking and machetes swinging. The three of you create a small circle with your backs to each other for protection. The vamps come in small waves, probably three or five at time. You and the boys seem to be making progress, having already killed about eight vampires, when a vamp gets too close to you. You knee him and go in for the kill, but not before he's able to fist your plaid shirt and throw you across the open space. You collide with one of the metal shelves that hold some of the boxes before you hit the ground. You slowly roll over on your back and become aware of the painful sensation in your head. You touch your forehead and rub your fingers together, feeling a sticky substance that you know is blood. You start to feel tired and in the middle of getting up, a vamp jumps on you, throwing you back on the ground. You're holding both ends of the machete and pressing the sharp edges against the chin of the vamp who is hell bent on getting a taste of you. You gather all your strength and slowly push the machete in the vamp's neck, ignoring the blood spilling onto your face and down your neck. With one final push, the head comes clean off. As the head falls down you see another vamp running up to you and you get ready, waiting for it to get close enough before you kick it straight in its chest, knocking it down. You don't think you have the strength to fight it off as the edges of your vision begin to blur. But you're determined to stand your ground and you attempt to get up a second time but even sitting up makes you dizzy. Your vision gets even blurrier and you're barely able to see anything in front of you. The last thing you see is a tall figure sprinting towards you.

*

"Is she waking up?" You hear Dean's voice and feel someone else's hand on yours. The ground beneath you seems to be moving and you're not sure where you are.

"I'm not sure." Another voice. Sam's. You feel a hand cup your cheek and a gentle tap on the skin. "Y/N? Can you hear us?" You slowly open your eyes and the interior of the impala comes into view, along with Dean's face. He seems relieved.

"M-my head." You say groggily. It's throbbing and you go to touch it but a rough hand grabs yours and brings it back down to your side.

"Don't touch it. You'll just aggravate it." You turn your head and see two hazel eyes staring down at you.

"Sam?" You ask, confused. You try to get up but Sam's quick to bring you back down into his arms.

_His arms._

You realize he's cradling you like a baby and all you can do is just stare at him. "Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"I think she might be going into shock." He says with a smirk. "She's just staring at me...but she does do that a lot so I guess it’s normal. Never mind. She’s good.”

You blink rapidly. This is too much for you right now. "Just go to sleep. We'll wake you when we get back."

You nod, telling yourself to take his advice. You close your eyes and lean into Sam's chest, his steady breathing putting you to sleep almost instantly.


	4. Mates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and the reader were a happy couple until Sam lost his soul. Now the reader can’t stand to be around him, which Soulless!Sam doesn’t seem to mind until he starts having these ‘feelings’ that go beyond attraction.

You wake a few times; twice in the car and once when Sam carries, yes, carries you to your room and onto your bed. The next and last time you wake up is when you're on your bed. You get up from your bed, your head killing you, and walk to the bathroom. You see a sizable piece of gauze taped to the side of your head when you examine yourself in the mirror. You brush your teeth, wincing every time your injury feels like causing you pain. Instead of taking a shower, you decide to take a bath. You feel like you deserve it after everything that's happened. While you soak your sore muscles, you think about how Sam held you in the car. It wasn't any normal hold or grip, or whatever you want to call it. It was the "You scared me shitless so you're not leaving my sight until I feel otherwise" hold. You've become familiar with that hold, what with you having suffered a considerable amount of injuries, some almost fatal. 

You just don't understand it. 

Maybe you misinterpreted it. Maybe he just...you can't really think of any other explanation. You know Sam's touch. It wasn't random and it wasn't a mistake. The thing is, the only way that could have happened is if Sam was actually worried about you. But then that would require Sam to actually feel, which he doesn't. Does he? You don't freaking know.

You need some food. 

You get out of the bath, change into your comfiest pajamas and make your way to the kitchen. The sound of Sam's confused voice stops you in your tracks. You’re just a few steps away from the kitchen. 

"I don't know what's going on with me, Dean." He sounds calm, but concerned. 

"What do you mean?" Dean asks.

"I don't know, man. I've been having these urges, these feelings, or whatever they're called, I don't know." He admits.

"Uh huh...keep going." Dean prompts him. 

"Remember the other night when she went out to meet that friend or whatever?" He asks.

"Yeah. The guy she was supposed to bone." His tone is nonchalant. 

"Don't say that." He growls. "She's not supposed to be boning anyone." You guess he realizes how odd he sounds and sighs. "My point is I wasn't okay with her going out to meet him. In fact, I followed her to the bar and watched her. I watched her with that guy and I was so angry, furious even.I felt possessive over her. She's not supposed to be with that guy. She's not supposed to be with any guy, Dean. She's mine." 

His last two words send a shiver down your spine and realize he was lying when he said Dean was worried about you back when you two were outside ofthe bar. It was never Dean. It was him.

"And today, with the hunt and her almost getting killed, I almost completely flipped my shit."

"Yeah." Dean agrees. He remembers the moment he and Sam realized you were gone. Sam spotted you on the floor with a vampire and he tore through about five vampires in less than a minute in order to get to you. It was feral. And then there were those moments after when Sam carried you to the impala and refused to let Dean touch you. "You looked like you were hanging onto her for dear life."

"That's exactly my point. I'm soulless. I shouldn't be feeling this way. I shouldn't be feeling at all." He says, clearly frustrated,

"Yeah, we gotta talk to Cas about this. This is some weird crap. Cas!" You hear Dean yell. "Get your feathery ass down here, we have a bit of a situation." 

No answer.

"Cas, I'm serious!" He shouts.

"Must you always yell?" Castiel's gravelly voice fills the room and you can't help but giggle. 

"Don't-" You hear an exasperated sigh. "I told you not to do that." 

"Do what?" Castiel asks.

"Pop up behind me. It's creepy."

"I'll keep that in mind for the near future. Anyway, you called?"

"Yeah, uh, Sam here is feeling things he shouldn't be feeling. 

"Sam doesn't have a soul. He does not feel."

"That's the problem, Einstein."

"Anyway, Sam," He says, ignoring Dean's smart remark. "What exactly are you feeling? And when do these feelings occur?"

"I don't know. It's only when Y/N's around. I feel extremely possessive and protective of her when she's near me. And when she's not around me, I feel this dull ache. It’s like there’s something inside me that needs to be filled.”

"How long have you been feeling this way?"

"Ever since I got back. But the feelings weren't this strong. They've only intensified since I've been around her."

"I see. I wasn't going to tell you or Y/N but it seems that it's important for you to know."

"Tell us what?"

You move closer to the kitchen, ignoring the relentless throbbing in your forehead. Now is not the time for your injury to act up. 

"Well, you and Y/N are soul mates."

Before you can stop yourself, you walk right into the kitchen, surprise etched into your features.” "Wait, what?" All eyes are on you now.

"Y/N." You look at Sam, who looks just as dumbfounded as you do.

"How long have you been standing there?" Dean asks. 

You wince at the sharp pain that strikes your head at the moment. "Long enough." You answer softly. "Cas, you were saying?"

"I knew it the moment I met the both of you. Your souls lit up when you two were in the same room."

"Wait,” Dean stops him.”You knew this the entire time and you never told them anything? This doesn't make any sense." It might not make sense to Dean but it makes perfect sense to you. You knew Sam belonged with you the first time he looked at you. 

"It does, Dean. Y/N will tell you." 

Dean shifts his gaze to you. "Y/N?"

You shrug, trying to find the right words to say."I-I just knew he was special when I met him. I didn't know why. But I just thought that it was because Sam's special, y’know? I mean, it's Sam. He's special." You say, repeating yourself since you can't think of anything else to describe how you felt. 

"Right." Dean says, even though he clearly does not understand, and turns his attention back to Castiel. "So what's up with this whole soulmate business? I mean, Sam doesn't have a soul so how is possible for him to feel this way?"

"Well," Castiel starts. "When humans were created, they originally had four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces. It is said that humans had great strength at the time and threatened to conquer the gods. So Zeus came up with the solution to split humans in half. Until unified, Every human in existence longs for his or her other half." He turns to Sam. "Your body still yearns for hers. Until your bodies are interconnected, you will not feel complete. Sam doesn't have a soul so he relies on his natural instinct, which is to mate and protect Y/N."

"Wait, what do you mean about our bodies having to be interconnected? You mean-" Sam gives Castiel a knowing look.

Castiel nods, knowing exactly what Sam's thinking. "Yes, Sam. Sex."

"But we already had sex." You butt in and Dean practically breaks his neck in order to look at you, surprise written all over his face. "Before, when he had a soul." You clarify. 

"But you were having sex regularly, yes?" Castiel asks, making your cheeks heat up.

"Y-yes." You say, embarrassed.

"Then your bodies had no reason to yearn for each other." He explains.

"So it's kind of like the whole alpha/omega crap but without the knotting and the monthly heats and stuff?" Dean asks. 

"Precisely." 

"Wow, okay. That's a lot of information to process for me." Dean says, earning a glare from Sam. 

"It's a lot of information for you to process?" Sam asks, incredulously. "How do you think I feel?"

"You don't feel." Dean reminds him. 

"I feel for her, apparently." Sam gestures to you.

"Yes. There's nothing you can do about it, I'm afraid. Unless Y/N-"

"Don't, Cas." You say, stopping him in his tracks. You love Sam but you're not going to fulfill his needs just because he feels uncomfortable. That's not how this works. Besides, it isn't really Sam. This is soulless Sam. 

Castiel nods. "I'm sorry, Y/N."

You shake your head and give him a warm smile. "It's fine, Cas. Thanks for helping us figure out this whole thing." You go in for a hug and he accepts it. When you're about to pull away, he places two fingers on your forehead and the pain ceases. He's healed you. "Thank you." 

"It's not a problem. Now," Castiel steps back. "If you'll excuse me, I have some business to attend to." 

"Adios." Dean manages to get out before Castiel disappears.

You look at Dean, confused. "Adios? Really?"

He shrugs. "I don't know. Don't judge me."

You snicker and nod. "Yeah, okay." You peel off the tape, along with the gauze, and throw it in the trash can near you. You're about to leave the room when Dean asks you if you want something to eat. You glance at Sam, seeing his eyes are on you and you decline, shaking your head as you do so. "I'm not hungry." Is all you say before you leave the room in a hurry.

*  
The week after that conversation is...awkward, to say the least. You and Sam don't utter a word to each other unless you're on a hunt. And even then, you give each other one word answers. Dean doesn't know what the hell to do. He's tried to get you and Sam into a room to have an ‘adult conversation’ but it doesn't work. To be honest, it's mostly you who doesn't want to talk. You've made it abundantly clear by telling Sam to leave you alone whenever he tries talking to you. So yeah, you're the one who's making things awkward. Oops.

You're doing some late night research on some murders in Wyoming when you hear the door open. Dean and Sam are back from the bar. The first person you see is Dean. His beautiful green eyes are glossed, which indicates that he's drunk. But there's something else in them. He looks...worried? 

"Dean, are you okay?"

Before Dean can respond, you hear some giggling. And it definitely didn't come from either of the boys.

"I'm gonna go to bed. You should do the same." He says quickly before he hurries off to his room. 

Your jaw clenches as you wait for Sam and his date to pass through. Because that's what she is. She's a late night recap. You hear some shuffling and something fall before they come out from the shadows and into full view. It's only for a second but it's enough. It's enough to see her tight red dress hugging her body, and Sam's hands all over her. She doesn't even seem to notice your presence, which you're not surprised at, what with Sam nipping at her neck and all. He looks your way for a brief moment and you see it. The glint in his eye. He's challenging you. He's trying to make you jealous. You stand your ground and keep your eyes on him until he and his date fade back into the shadows. You hear a "Sam, stop it!" followed by giggle before there's more feet shuffling and then, finally, silence. 

Your bravado fades as hurt and betrayal begin to overwhelm you. How fucking dare he. How fucking dare he bring a girl inside this house and then flaunt her right in front of you. You don't care if he was trying to make you jealous. Soul or not, that was fucking cruel. And he knew it. You swallow the sob that threatens to come up from your throat because you refuse, absolutely refuse, to waste your tears on that asshole. You slam the book closed and make your room, trying to ignore the moans coming from Sam's room as you do so. Thank God you still have the earplugs you bought when Dean's snoring was getting to be too much when the three of you had to share a motel room that one time.

*  
The next morning, you go about your business as usual. You wake up, take a shower, and start to make your and Dean's breakfast. You're frying some bacon when Sam walks into the kitchen. You don't see Sam's eyes on your back but you feel them. When you're done with the bacon, you dump four strips on a plate, which already has a sizable amount of eggs on it. You take the plate, ignoring Sam's stare, and put it in front of Dean, who's practically salivating. 

"Thanks, sweetheart." He says with a smile before he digs into his food. 

"No problem." You say before you make a plate for yourself. 

"And my breakfast?" Sam asks and you promptly ignore him, grabbing your plate and sitting on the side of Dean that will effectively block Sam from your view. 

"Leave her alone, Sam. You know she doesn't want to speak to you after that stunt you pulled last night." Dean says between bites, surprising you and Sam. "Besides, she never makes you breakfast. You always have those veggie shakes or some other healthy crap. That's the one thing that hasn't changed about you since you lost your soul." You try to hide your smile as you eat your breakfast. Dean's always manages to make you laugh when you need it the most.

"Anyway how was your night, Y/N?" You hear Sam ask and like before, you ignore him and eat. He doesn't seem to accept the fact that you're not going to answer and keeps trying. "Aren't you going to ask me how my night was?" Now you're annoyed. You know that he knows what he did last night was wrong. He could have just taken her to a motel like he does with all the other girls. You know he screws around. And you've accepted this because this is soulless Sam. You can't control him. Sam with a soul would never cheat on you. He'd cut his own hands off before he did something that he knew would hurt you. "Wait...I think you know exactly how my night was." 

You're not going to stick around for this. As you set down your fork, you realize that your appetite is not as big as it used to be ever since you've been introduced to soulless Sam. You stand up from your chair, pushing it in before putting a hand on Dean's shoulder. "I'm gonna be in my room if you need anything." Dean nods, still chewing, and you walk out of the kitchen, heading towards your room. 

"What the hell's wrong with you, man?" You hear Dean say. "Haven't you put her through enough?" 

You don't hear a reply from Sam and you figure those are his footsteps you hear behind you. You stop in your tracks, turn around and put a hand up, in order to keep him at a distance. "Please leave me alone." You tell him, your tone calm but firm. 

"Why?" He asks.

"Are you fucking serious? You're really asking me that?" You say, your tone still calm. 

"Yeah, I mean I know-" 

"Shut up. Just shut up. You don't know anything. You're selfish and cruel, and you deserve to get hit by a truck." You say honestly. 

"But then you lose your chances of getting the old Sam ba-" 

"I don't care anymore. If Sam had any say in this, he'd probably want the same thing. You're a freaking disgrace to his name and I don't even know why I thought you were capable of being, at the very least, a decent person."

"Well, you haven't even given me a chance to-"

"Fuck you!" You yell, now furious. "Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, you self-entitled dick!"

You don't notice Dean enter the hallway. "Yeah, I'm gonna go out. You two stay here and hash things out." He says quickly before he leaves the house, the door slamming after his exit.

"Is it really necessary for you to yell? Sam asks after watching Dean leave.

That's it. 

You gather all your strength and push him hard, only making him stumble a few steps because he's so freaking huge and strong. "Stay. The. Hell. Away. From. Me." You warn him.

Sam chuckles as he takes a few steps forward. "That's cute." He goes to touch your arm but you grab his wrist, catching him by surprise and cock your other fist back before hitting him straight in his nose. You hear a bone-sickening crack, signaling Sam's nose has been broken. You watch in awe as he steps back, fingers on either side of nose and snaps his nose back into place. He smiles as he wipes the trickles of blood under his nose.

"That's how you want to play?” He asks and you can’t help but feel a little scared. "Alright, let's play." He says, his eyes darkening as he gives you an unwavering smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Cas' knowledge of Soul Mates was taken from Wikipedia.


	5. Don't Stand So Close To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and the reader were a happy couple until Sam lost his soul. Now the reader can’t stand to be around him, which Soulless!Sam doesn’t seem to mind until he starts having these ‘feelings’ that go beyond attraction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've only written smut a couple of times so this might not be really satisfying. Just wanted to warn you guys beforehand. I really tried, though! That's why I took so long to update. I hope you enjoy it!

For a second you think Sam's about to hurt you so you prepare to defend yourself, but he just takes a few strides before he pulls you to his chest, his mouth just barely hovering over yours as his hand grips your waist.

"Tell me you don't want to kiss me right now." He says, his eyes burning holes in yours.

"No." You growl. "I don't."

He cocks an eyebrow. "Really? You don't want to kiss me right now?" You try not to pay attention to how close in proximity his lips are to yours. Or the way his warm breath drifts down onto them. 

"No. Not after what you did. You disgust me." You practically spit in his face. 

"You're talking about that girl I brought back last night." He smirks. You don't respond. You can't let him know how you really feel but it's difficult when he makes you so emotional.

"Wait," He says, his smile getting wider. "You're...not jealous, are you?" You stare daggers at him. "Because you shouldn't be. Not really. Do you know why?"

"Enlighten me." You reply with a sarcastic smile. 

"Because the whole time," His lips are right above your ear now. "I was thinking of you." His breath tickles the top of your ear and you close your eyes briefly. "I was about how hot you would look under me, whimpering and moaning my name." He's nipping at your ear now. 

"Fuck you." You crane your neck to try to get his mouth away from your skin but it's no use. He's too strong. 

"I would if you'd just let me." He whispers into your ear and it's taking all of you not to succumb to your desire of giving in to him. You can be angry all you want but you're in madly in love with the man. That, and he's freaking attractive! How the hell are you supposed to keep pushing him away?

"I want you, Y/N. And deny it all you want, but I know you want me too." He says, making your skin tingle. He's right. He knows you know he's right. But that stunt last night? That wasn't right.

"If you wanted me that badly," Your breath hitches when you feel the hand on your waist slip under the fabric of your shirt, his fingers slowly massaging the bare skin. "Why would you bring a girl home?" You ask, trying to ignore how your body responds to his touch. 

He cocks an eyebrow. "You wouldn't look at me, let alone talk to me. I had to get your attention somehow." He explains as he starts to plant kisses alongside your jaw. 

"So that girl," You breathe out. "That was just to get my attention?"

"Yep." His lips are now at the base of your neck. "It was a means to end." He starts sucking and you let out the smallest whimper. It doesn't go unnoticed by Sam. "Music to my ears..." 

"So, she, uh, didn't mean anything to you?" You know it's a stupid question to ask but you need to hear him say it. You need him to tell you that you're the only one who matters. You haven't heard it in so long and you crave it. It may be pathetic but it's true. 

"Of course not. She's not you." You would be a complete liar if you said your heart didn't flip at those words. "You're the only one who can make me feel the way I do. Literally." He finishes with a light chuckle. "I hate to admit it, like really hate it, but you're my weakness. My kryptonite, almost. "Wow. He almost sounds like the Sam you fell in love with. But you have to remind yourself that he isn't. 

"I wouldn't exactly call you Superman, Sam." You laugh. 

"Yeah, I'm more of a Lex Luther or Brainiac kind of guy." His chuckle is muffled by your skin. 

"Definitely." You try to hold back a moan when he lightly bites the skin he had previously been sucking on. You feel the loss of his lips when he brings his head up to look at you.

"Still don't want to kiss me?" He smirks.

"Maybe. Maybe not." You reply with a smirk of your own. You might regret this later but right now, you don't care. You want Sam. He wants you. It just makes sense.

He cocks an eyebrow, probably surprised at the fact that you're still denying him kisses. No one denies Sam. "Playing hard to get I see. Well," And in one swift motion, he picks you up and throws you over his shoulder, causing you to let out a surprised yelp. "We're going to have to change that." He carries you to his room and throws you into his bed, the springs under it making you slightly bounce. You watch as Sam eyes you, much like a predator eyes its prey. He slowly takes off his shirt and you let out a quiet gasp. It doesn't matter how many times you've seen Sam shirtless, you will never used to seeing his perfectly sculpted body. "Like what you see?"

You decide to play with him. "Eh. It's alright. I've seen better." You shrug. 

"There's so much sass coming out of that mouth. I have a much better use for it." He says, walking to the edge to the bed. "But first," He climbs onto the bed, his elongated limbs making him look a tiger; grabs your ankles, and pulls you closer to him. "I want to hear it make some noise." His mouth hovers just above the button of your jeans and all you want him to do is rip it off. Your request is granted when both of his large hands grip the fabric at the top of the jeans and rips it open, the button flying off the bed. He gets your jeans off rather quickly but takes his time with your underwear. Instead of using his hands, he uses his teeth to pull the piece of cotton down your thighs and onto the floor. You're on fire now and you're begging to be touched. His eyes look hungry as he comes back to the V of your legs. 

"Please." You whimper. 

Sam's smirk is back. "Do what? Do this?" And he licks a path between your folds, making you arch off the bed. You nod rapidly as Sam's stare makes you wetter. "Nah." You're surprised when Sam crawls back up to you, catching his lips with yours as his hand palms your vagina. You buck up into his hand as you kiss him feverishly, your tongue entering his mouth with fury before it fights with his tongue for dominance. You loudly moan into his mouth when one of his fingers drags itself up your wet slit as he continues to rub, sending electrical shocks through you. You whine as his lips leave yours, making him chuckle and causing him to rub faster. As he starts to assault your jawline with rough kisses, he places a strategic finger on your clit and rubs it, causing you to throw your head back into the pillow. The action exposes your neck to Sam, who takes full advantage of this and bites down hard on the soft flesh, which causes you to hit your peak. You close your eyes and buck up hard into Sam's hand as his name spills out of your name repeatedly, and you don't stop until your orgasm subsides. You open your eyes to see Sam smirking at you, his hands tickling up your sides and lifting up your shirt as he does. You let him take it off your body, along with your bra. You're completely naked now, unlike Sam who is still fully clothed. "Ready to put that mouth to good use?" He asks and you, still overcome with lust, nod obediently. "Good girl." He says, squeezing your ass as he's lifting you off the bed. "I want you on the floor, on your hands and knees." You get off the bed and walk around to the edge of the bed, your legs a little bit wobbly from your recent orgasm, where Sam has situated himself. You do as you're told, getting on your hands and knees right in front of Sam. You watch him as he unzips his jeans, freeing his cock in the process. Of course he's not wearing any underwear. His cock is just how you remember it: long and thick. Without thinking, you start to stroke it, you finger slightly pinching the top. You know you're doing well when you hear a moan of approval from Sam. You take that as your cue and take him in your mouth. You take as much as you can of him and wrap your hand around the rest of his shaft. You swirl your tongue around the tip, earning another moan from Sam. You start a rhythm, your hands steadily going up and down his shaft while you lick and suck his cock. "You look so fucking good doing that." You look up and see that he's biting his lip as he's staring down at you through heavy lidded eyes. His gaze is turning you on and you feel yourself getting wet again. You hollow out your cheeks and relax your throat so you can take even more of him. "Fuck..." One of his hands slides through your hair and creates a makeshift ponytail. He tugs on it just enough to let you know what he wants. His grip on your hair loosens, then he wants you to slow down. If his grip tightens, you speed up. Simple. It goes on for a couple of minutes before Sam stops you. "Enough." He growls and he slips out of your mouth with a loud pop. He quickly tucks himself in, grabs you by the arm, and puts you on your feet before pulling you by your waist and sitting you on one of his denim clad thighs. Before you can process anything, his lips are on yours and your arms are locked around his neck. Overwhelmed with desire and want for another sweet release, you begin to slowly rock into him, feeling his raging hard on. You moan into his mouth, loving the delicious friction between you two. Sam's hands have found their way to your hips, his grip hard enough for you know that there'll be bruises in the shape of his fingers the next day. He moves your hips back and forth, increasing the wetness between your legs. Sam pulls his lips back from yours, which causes you to whine, but increases the speed of the movement of your hips. Just as he does this, your clit hits just the right spot and you cry out in pleasure. "Does this feel good? Can you cum from this?" He whispers low in your ear and you nod rapidly, not being able to form words because it feels so fucking good. "Show me. Be a good girl and show me you can cum on my lap." He says as he nibbles on your ear. You throw your head back and focus on the feeling between your legs, giving Sam full access to your neck and chest, which he takes full advantage of. He litters your chest and neck with bites, which only adds to the slow build of your orgasm. "I love your face like this. It's a face full of want and pleasure. Only I can do this, you understand?" You bring your head down so you can face him and nod. "Use your words, baby girl. I want to hear it." He says calmly, even though your panting and the sound of your vagina lips sliding up and down his thigh is driving him crazy. 

"Y-yes." You manage to get the answer out before you bury your face into his neck, your orgasm more than halfway there. 

"No, let me see you, baby girl. I want to watch you cum." Your hips are now moving at an indescribable speed and you only need a little more friction to cum. More than wanting, possibly craving, to fulfill Sam wishes, you lift your head. At that exact moment, Sam nods his head. "Cum." And you do. Your body shakes and you cling on to Sam for dear life as your orgasm hits you in waves. You keep riding Sam's thigh, eventually slowing down when you feel the aftershocks of your climax. You feel Sam stroke your lower back as he waits for you to fully come down from your high. "That's a good girl." He whispers in your ear as you try to even out your breathing. After a few seconds, you feel one of Sam's hands travel down your lower back and grab your ass. The other hand is placed on your back, which keeps you steady when he lifts you up. He turns around and catches you by surprise when he drops you into the bed. You watch him as he divests himself of his jeans and his SAXX briefs. Even though you've just orgasmed twice, you're ready to have another as you watch Sam get on the bed; lust and ferocity in his eyes. One long finger goes down your wet lips and you shiver in anticipation when he sucks on said finger. "You taste so good. I bet you feel even better." He says as his large hands massages your thighs, making you even more wet with anticipation. You bite your lip as he props your knees up and situates himself between your legs. His head drops and he takes one of your nipples in your mouth, slowly flicking the nub with his tongue. You moan, arching your back, letting out a small whimper when his cock lightly rubs against your stickiness. 

"Please, Sam..." You plead. You need him inside you. 

He releases your nipple with a smirk as he focuses his attention on you. "We're begging now?" He asks, clearly proud of himself. 

You nod. "Yes, Sam, please."

"So polite..." He moves up so his lips are right next to your ear, his cock painfully moving up with him. "Do you know how long I've been waiting for this? To see you writhe? To beg for me to shove my cock into that pussy?" He moves away from your ear and you close your eyes at the loss of his warm breath on your ear lobe. He moves his mouth down to your neck and covers it with kisses as he speaks. "I told you I have Sam's memories." His mouth is now on your collarbone. "All of them." He says, putting emphasis on each word. "And that means all of the times you've had sex with him." He kisses every inch of your skin between your collarbone to your navel. "They were like," He pauses and lifts himself up, grabbing his dick and rubbing it up and down your throbbing pussy, causing you to let out another whimper. "My very own collection of homemade porn videos." He breathes out as he slowly thrusts into you, making you cry out and grab at the sheets. "So fucking hot." He groans. "You don't know how many times I replayed those memories in my head." He says, still going painfully slow, pulling out just enough before filling you back up. "How many times I watched myself fuck you into the mattress. It was surprising hot." Another thrust from Sam releases a guttural moan from your throat and Sam smirks. "And you made such beautiful sounds. Just like the ones you're making now." 

"Sam, please..." You pant as you grab at his muscular arms.

"Please what?" He asks as he delivers another thrust, almost making you forget what you were going to say. 

"Faster." You say.

And that's all Sam needs to hear before he mercilessly pounds into you. You keep up with his quick thrusts and lift your hips to meet every one of them. Sam has one of his hands flat on your stomach while the other grips the headboard. The bed is rocking so hard that you swear it's going to break any second. "Like this? You want it fast like this?" He breathes and you nod, your mouth open but no words come out. "Fuck you look so hot from here." He says, and you can see the strain he's under by the bulge of his veins in his arms along with his neck. "You should see yourself. Like a fish out of water. Without me, you can't breathe." All you can do is nod, feeling your third orgasm quickly building. 

"Sam," You gasp.

"What is it baby girl? Are you about to cum? Are you gonna cum all over my cock?" He asks, hovering over you like a freaking God. 

You nod rapidly. "Y-yes, Sam."

He leans down, still thrusting, and whispers into your ear. "So cum." 

You come for a third time, your inner walls clenching around Sam's pulsating cock. It feels like a thousand stars are shooting through you and it's almost too much, but Sam doesn't stop and fucks you right through your orgasm. His face is buried into your neck now, his grunts deep but muffled by your skin. You can tell he's close by how sloppy his thrusts are getting, but in no way is he slowing down. You're moaning his name and he's going so fast now that you begin to feel that familiar sensation in the pit of your stomach. Another orgasm is rapidly approaching. "You're mine, do you hear me?" He growls low in your ear. You nod once again, unable to speak. "Say it. I want to hear you say it."

"I'm yours!" And you go right over the edge, moaning Sam's name over and over as you tighten your grip on him, using him as an anchor through your climax. Sam is right behind you; His hips stutter and he groans loudly as he empties himself inside you. 

You both lay there, limp. Sam is still buried into your neck, trying to catch his breath while you try to find yours. After a few seconds, Sam rolls himself off you and you shudder, already missing his body heat. But you don't stay chilly for long as Sam pulls you back into his arms. He smooths your hair back, removing any strands from your sweaty forehead. You're surprised at what's happening but you're way too tired to do any questioning. 

"Four times." Sam states as you're drifting off to sleep. 

"Huh?" You ask.

"I made you cum four times." He says and you can hear the smirk in his voice. You want to smack it right off his face. 

"Oh, shut up." You say with a light chuckle. 

"You gotta admit, I'm pretty good."

"Again, shut up. I'm trying to sleep." You say with a hint of playfulness. You feel a low rumble in Sam's chest, indicating a silent chuckle. The sound and feel of his chest is comforting, soothing even. You don't want him to ever let go of you. You mentally sigh, knowing you're probably going to hate yourself when you wake up, but for now you're just going to enjoy this because it's almost like you have your old Sam back. Almost.


	6. Rattled

When you first wake up, it all seems like a bad dream. Sam didn't lose his soul and you two are as happy as can be. That thought lasts for about two or three seconds as you turn over and look at the empty space beside you. God. Did you really sleep with him? Yes. Did you really have to? No, of course not. But you missed his touch so much that you were willing to do anything to get it. And it felt good. So good. But it wasn't only his touch you craved. It was his validation, his reassurance that you are the only one he wants. Now and forever. It may sound pathetic but it's true.

The thing is, as much as you tried to picture it was Sam with a soul you were doing all those sinful things with, it didn't work. Not at all. It felt like a one night stand. And sex with Sam, Sam with a soul, never felt like a one night stand. After being intimate, there was a promise of cuddles and sweet kisses. And most importantly, those three words would be said. Those three special words.

"Are you okay, Y/N?" Sam asks, bringing you back to the immediate situation as he curiously eyes you from the door.

You sit up and move to the edge of the bed before you try to wrap the bed comforter around your naked body. "No," After you're satisfied with your makeshift dress, you stand up. "I'm not okay." You start to walk but slip on a piece of fabric beneath your feet and clumsily fall to the floor. As you try to get up without revealing yourself, you feel a pair of hands on you. You know it's Sam trying to help you get up, which makes everything worse. "No! Get away from me." You effectively yank yourself out of his arms and back on the floor with strands of hair in your mouth. You spit out the hair and sit up again.

"Whoa. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this afternoon." He backs away with his hand up in surrender. "What's going on, crazy?"

Once you're up and sure that you're not going to fall again, you answer him. "I'm not crazy." You tighten your grip on the sheets keeping you modest. "This, you," You gesture to the bed and him with a free hand. "Was a mistake."

Sam looks confused. "Wait, I don't get it. Did you not have fun last night?"

"Yes," Your eyes dart from the bed back to him. "Yes, I did. But you're not here." You say.

"I'm right in front of you, Y/N."

You let out an exasperated sigh. "Yeah, physically, but not mentally. You're not Sam." You look into his eyes, hoping you'll find something that'll tell you different but you come up with nothing. He's not there. Stop trying to find him. He's gone. "You're just a vessel." You finish, your voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm sorry?" He offers with a shrug.

You shake your head. "No. I'm sorry for thinking I could go back to feeling connected to you." Your eyes start to get misty and you swallow the knot in your throat. "It's not going to happen. Not without your soul." You move towards the door. "Now, if you'll excuse me..." Sam steps aside and you rush out of his room just before a couple of tears leave your eyes and make their way down your cheeks.

Just as you're about to approach your room, you bump into Dean. "Y/N?" He takes in your tears, the 'love' bites all over your chest, and the blanket around your body. "You didn't."

You nod, tears now rolling down your cheeks. "I did." He takes you inside your room, closing the door behind him before pulling you into his arms "I-I'm sorry, I know y-you told me not to." You sob into his chest.

"Shhhh. It's okay." He rubs your back and kisses the top of your head. "I'm not angry."

"I-I should have k-known. I-I'm s-so stupid." You berate yourself.

"You're not stupid. Your mind knew." He lets out a sad sigh. "It's your heart that didn't get the memo."

You continue to sob as Dean holds you tight.

*  
That was almost three weeks ago. After your night with Sam, you've changed. Everyone's noticed. It's the first thing Bobby noticed when he got back to from his hunting trip. You only know this because you've hear he and Dean talking about it when they think you're out of earshot. Sure, you've been quiet and very tired lately, but that doesn't mean anything. Although, you will admit that you've been off your game when it comes to hunts. Your reaction times are slower and you're unfocused most of the time, which leads to careless mistakes and several close calls with death. Because of this, Dean's asked you to sit out the next few hunts. You're not offended. In fact, you're actually a bit happy. A break from hunting might be doing you some good. You're better at home, researching and helping out the boys from home. Yeah, you guess you're a bit off but what did everyone expect? Did they not think the whole soulless situation would eventually take its toll on you? Well if they did think that before, they certainly don't think it now.

"ACHOO!" You're knocked out of your thoughts when you hear a sneeze followed by a loud crash and a thud. You jump out of your seat and run into the hallway to see Dean lying facedown on the ground with one of Bobby's prized possessions right next to him. He lifts up his head to see you. "Well, this is embarrassing. How's the weather up there?" He jokes. You shake your head but chuckle, picking up Bobby's statue and putting it back in its place before helping Dean up.

As you and Dean leave the dimly lit hallway, you notice that Dean doesn't look like himself. He actually looks a bit sickly. His entire face seems to be devoid of color, except his nose which is a harsh shade of red. The darkened bags under his eyes tell you that he hasn't been sleeping very well. "God, my whole body aches." He says before he lets out a cough.

"Let me feel your head." You place your hand on his forehead and can clearly feel the heat radiating from it. "Give me a second." You run to the kitchen, open up one of Bobby's 'medicine' drawers and pull out a thermometer. You run back out and take the cap off it. "Open your mouth."

"Seriously?"

"Just shut up and do it."

He rolls his eyes but does what you say. "Under your tongue." You state before you stick the metallic end of the thermometer in his mouth. You wait a few seconds before it beeps. You check the temperature.

"One hundred and one degrees. Dean, I think you might have the flu." You say as you bring your hand back down by your side.

"Nah, I'm good." He sniffles.

You cock an eyebrow. "Really? Because you have all the symptoms. You have a fever, a cough, a runny nose, and muscle aches." You point out.

"I can't be sick. I'm going on a hunt with Sam in twenty min-ACHOO!" The sudden sneeze catches Dean off guard and he stumbles a couple feet back, which makes you laugh.

"Yeah, you're not going anywhere." You say, still laughing.

"But-"

"No."

"What about-"

"No."

"They-"

"Dean," You say, your tone stern. "You're not going anywhere. Now," You walk over to the couch and pick up the blanket that was draped over the arm of it. "Come sit down."

Dean follows your instructions, though he grumbles the entire way, and sits on the couch. You place the blanket over him, making sure it covers his entire body before  
you pick up the remote on the coffee table and change the channel to Cartoon Network.

"Really, Tom and Jerry? What am I, five?" He complains.

You roll your eyes at his response. "You love cartoons, Dean." Your eyes flicker to the screen when they're playing you a preview of the next show. "Besides, Batman's on next." You chuckle at the way his eyes light up at the sound of his favorite childhood superhero.

"You just relax and I'll make you some soup, okay?" You're about to leave the room when Dean says your name. "Yeah?"

He looks at you sheepishly. "Can I have crackers with my soup?"

You smile. "Soup and crackers coming right up." You say before you leave the room and enter the kitchen. As you grab a pot and a can of Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup from the cupboard, you hear a familiar voice.

"What's going on with Dean?"

You wait until you've dumped the contents in the can into the pot and turned the stove on before you answer. "He has the flu."

"The flu? Not just a regular cold?"

"It's not just a cold when your temperature is over a hundred degrees."

"Yikes."

"Exactly. I don't even know how he got up from bed."

"It's Dean." Bobby says as he walks into the kitchen. "The plague couldn't kill him even if it tried."

You chuckle and stir the soup. "Morning, Bobby."

"Morning, kiddo. Morning, Sam." He nods at the other man in the room before he goes to make his first cup of coffee for the day.

"Morning, Bobby. Wait, so does this mean I'm going on the hunt by myself?" Sam asks, which makes you turn around and face him.

"You're not allowed to go on hunts alone, remember? It's one of the rules Dean set for you."

Sam rolls his eyes. "Really? Come on. I'm not a child."

"But you are a loose cannon." Bobby reminds him as he waits for the coffee machine to finish grinding the beans. His gaze then lands on you. "I'll go with the big lug."

"You sure? You just got back. Don't you want to rest?" You ask.

"I'll rest when I'm dead. Besides, someone needs to watch him."

You laugh but nod. "Okay."

"Alright. It's settled then. Let's go, old man." Sam says hurriedly.

"Boy if you don't want me to knock you upside your head, you better hold your horses." Sam gives Bobby the infamous bitch face as you try to hold back your laughter. It's nice seeing Sam get knocked down a couple of pegs. "We'll go when I finish my coffee."

Sam looks over to you with an incredulous look on his face and you shrug. "What the old man says, goes."

*  
The next week is spent tending to Dean's needs. You get his medicine, make his food, run his baths, and even clean up his vomit. Usually you would never wait hand and good on someone, especially Dean, but It feels good to know that you can still take care of someone else even if it seems like you can't really take care of yourself. Dean's a pretty good patient, considering he can be a bit demanding at times. But you know what a diva Dean can be so it doesn't really surprise you. Sometimes you and Bobby take shifts so you can have a break once in while. Sam thinks the whole thing is funny and pokes fun at Dean whenever he can. You'll even chuckle along with Sam at times. Despite the whole soulless thing, everything seems to be going okay.

You wake to the sound of your alarm, shutting it off before reluctantly sitting up. You've been getting a decent amount of sleep every night so you don't know why you still feel so tired. As you get up, you feel a bit nauseous. "Oh no." You mutter to yourself as you sluggishly make your way to the bathroom. As you brush your teeth, you feel the uneasiness in your stomach intensify. You immediately spit out the toothpaste, drop your toothbrush in the sink and run to the toilet. You make it just in time before you start to empty the contents in your stomach. This goes on for a full five minutes before you think you can safely leave the toilet without barfing all over the floor. You wipe the back of your mouth. "Thanks, Dean." You try brushing your teeth again, hoping that this time you'll be fine. Thankfully, you are. You've just finished putting on some clean pajamas after a hot shower when you hear knocking on your door. You walk over and open the door, surprised to see it's Sam behind it. "Hi?"

"You alright?" He asks simply.

You're confused. "Uh, I'm not sure, I mean-"

"Dean get you sick?" He gives you a knowing look.

"How'd you know?"

"I walked past your room and heard you barfing. I thought the right thing to do was tell Bobby and he wanted me to give you this." He holds up a bottle of Tylenol. "That was the right thing to do, right? I mean, I wouldn't know-"

You nod your head. "Yes, Sam. It was the right thing to do. Thank you." You take the bottle of Tylenol and drink two capfuls of the pink liquid before you hand it back to him. "Excuse me." You step out of the room and close the door behind you. Listening to Sam's footsteps behind you, you make your way to the living room. There you see Dean sitting on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket, watching Batman. You make your way over to him. "Move over."

Dean shimmies to the left and you gently tug at the blanket. "Can I have some of the blanket?" You ask nicely.

"Why do you want to share the blanket?"

"Because it's cold and I'm sick." You state.

"You don't look sick."

"I just spent five minutes throwing up. Now gimme." You tug harder at the blanket and Dean relinquishes his hold on it. "It's your fault I'm like this anyway." You grumble as you cover yourself with your share of the blanket. You get comfortable and lean your head on Dean's shoulder. It only takes you about five or ten minutes to fall fast asleep.

*  
When you wake up, you make chicken noodle soup for you and Dean. As the both of you are eating, he suggests a movie marathon which you happily agree to. After about three movies, you two decide it's enough. And you're glad because you've been needing to pee for the last five minutes but you didn't want to miss the end of the last movie.

"Dude, that's like the fifth time you've peed today." Dean points out once you get back from the bathroom.

"I know. I think it's all the liquids I've been drinking today. It sucks to be sick." You say as you throw yourself on the couch next to him.

"Yeah, but you've been peeing like a racehorse for the past week."

"I guess my bladder's just not having it this week." You shrug. "Where are Sam and Bobby?"

"They should be home any minute. They went on a quick hunt. Vengeful ghost. No. Biggie."

You nod your head and you hear the jiggle of keys before the front door open.

"Perfect timing. I'm starving." Dean gives you a wide smile and you laugh.

"Dean, are you sure you should be eating junk food? You're still sick." You warn him.

"Listen, I've been eating soup and crackers all week. I deserve a burger." He says before Bobby and Sam walk into the room. Dean's face lights up when Sam pulls out a burger and places it in front of Dean. "You two are a godsend." His smile gets even bigger when Sam places a super sized soda and fries next to it.

"Don't come crying to me or Y/N later on when all that food comes up on you." Bobby tells Dean as he pulls out a soup container and slides it over to you.

"Thanks, Bobby." You're about to open it when this god awful smell assaults your nose. You use the back of your hand to cover your nose but the smell still gets through. "Ugh, what the hell is that?" You ask before you pinch your nostrils together.

Bobby and the brothers look at you weirdly. "The burger?" Dean asks mid-bite.

You shake your head. "No, the burger's fine. I-"

"Is it my tuna wrap?" Sam interrupts and holds out his half covered tuna wrap. You lean forward, releasing your hold on your nose only to be met by the same foul odor as before.

"Oh, God." You're quickly overwhelmed with nausea and run to the nearest bathroom, gagging the entire time. As you're throwing up you hear the guys talking.

"If she wasn't sick and I didn't know any better, I would say she's pregnant."

"Hilarious, Dean." You hear Sam respond.

"I think I should go check up on her." Bobby says, his voice full of concern.

"It's okay, Bobby. She's gonna be in there for a while, trust me."

You don't hear anything else besides "pregnant". Honestly, it seems like a crazy and maybe even funny idea but not when you take a closer look at how you and your body's been behaving. You decide before you jump to any conclusions, you'll take a second to actually think. Okay, so you've been really fatigued lately. That doesn't exactly scream pregnancy as you're always tired. But what about the constant peeing? You usually use the bathroom twice a day, three times at the most. And now the vomiting. That's definitely new. You could try to blame this on the flu but something tells you it's much more complicated than that. And then there's the most damning evidence, or lack thereof, of all: Your period. You've been so out of it that you didn't even realize that you haven't gotten it.

Oh God.

You quickly wipe your mouth with the back of your hand, dash to your room, and call on the one person who you think can confirm this. "Castiel?" You say hurriedly as you sit on your bed. "Cas, are you there?" Nothing. Cas, I really need you down here right now. More silence. "Please, Cas. It's urgent." You plead. You can feel the panic rising inside of you. "I-I think I might-"

"Y/N?" You twist your body to see the confused looking angel next to your nightstand.

"Castiel." That's all you say. Nothing else will come out.

He walks over to you and puts a hand on your shoulder. "Y/N, are you alright? I heard your call. What's going on?"

You stare into those concerned baby blues and you remember what you're supposed to say. "Cas, are angels able to tell whether a human is pregnant or not?"

He nods slowly. "You're asking me about you, yes?

You nod reluctantly. "Am I?" You ask, your voice barely above a whisper.

Castiel takes a seat next to you and takes your hand in his. You don't notice you're shaking until both of your hands are in his lap. "Yes, Y/N. You do have a life growing inside you. I knew it the moment I touched you."

There's a life growing inside of you. You're pregnant. Pregnant. This wasn't the way it was supposed to go. You and Sam were supposed to get married before you two even thought about children. If you ever had children. Yeah, you and Sam entertained the idea of having children but you were never really sure if it would ever happen because of the lives you two lead. But even with all the craziness going on, you still hoped that one day you would become a mother. And now, that day is here. But everything is all wrong.

"Y/N?"

You clear your throat. "H-How far along am I?"

"If I had to make an educated guess, I would say about a month." He tells you.

You nod. "Sounds about right. I had sex with Sam a month ago."

"You're taking the news quite well considering the father of your unborn child is soulless.

You let out a dry laugh. "Yeah well, I guess I'm tougher than I look." You shrug.

Castiel gives your hand a gentle squeeze and offers you a small smile. You return he smile but it goes away as quickly as it comes. You're not sure what you're going to do. You could keep it but then that would mean giving up the hunting life. But you were never too fond of the hunting life to begin with so you guess it wouldn't be much of a loss. But you know it's not as easy as that. How the hell are you supposed to get a job to financially support this child? And let's not even start on the fact that the child's father is soulless. The timing of this couldn't have been worse.

"Are you going to tell Sam and Dean?" He asks, taking you out of your thoughts. "And Bobby, of course." He adds.

You nod to yourself. "I have to."

"Would you like me to bring them here or would you want me to escort you to the living room?"

You weigh the options. There's no point in bringing them to the room. You're also going to need someone to lean on. "Could you come with me, please?" You ask, suddenly feeling small.

He nods. "Of course. Whatever you need." He slips his hand out of yours and he stands up. You wait a couple of minutes before you stand alongside him. As you two walk to the door, you grab Castiel's arm with two hands. At first you see he's startled but you see that he quickly understands that the sudden touch is due to nervousness. "It's going to be okay, Y/N." He says as he opens the door and leads you to the living room. You feel a little better.

"Hey Cas, what are you doing here? And why does Y/N have a vice grip on your arm?" Dean asks, confused as you two enter the room.

"Y/N has something to share with you." Castiel says once you two stop right of them. You hang your head low. Their gazes all land on you and you feel small again. You wish you could disappear.

"What is it, Y/N?" Bobby asks.

You look at them all with absolute fear in your eyes. "I'm pregnant."

It's so quiet you can hear a pin drop.

"Excuse me?" You look up at the sound of Sam's voice and see....wow, he looks annoyed, angry even.

"Pregnant? Like you're going to have a baby? You guys didn't..." Dean looks between you and Sam for answers. You shake your head no. Dean lets out a whistle. "Okay then."

Bobby sighs. "I suspected it but I wasn't really sure."

You sigh. "Well, now you know."

"Are you going to, y'know, have it?" Dean asks with widened eyes. You're pretty sure that's what everyone is wondering.

Before you answer, Sam gets up from the chair he's sitting in. "What!? You're not actually thinking about keeping that thing, are you? You have to get rid of it."

Sam's words feel like a thousand knives going through you at once. You didn't expect him to be happy about it, him being soulless and all, but you didn't think he was going to be a complete jerk about it. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. You have to get rid of it." He repeats.

"No, I heard you perfectly fine. What I want to know is what makes you think you can tell me what I can and cannot do with my body?" You ask, your blood boiling. Who the hell does he think he is?

"Are you really thinking about having this baby? I'm soulless for God's sake! I can't even love you! What makes you think I could love a child?" He shouts at you.

Wow. That really hurt. Like, really hurt. But you don't have time to be hurt. You're on defense mode right now.

"Sam, what makes you think I care about what you think? Again, you don't get to tell me what to do with MY body! If I want to have this baby, it's my fucking prerogative!" You yell back.

"I'm not dealing with this. I'm leaving." You and the others watch Sam as he grabs his jacket off the coat rack, leaving the house and slamming the door behind him. The sound makes you jump and you feel like you want to cry. This is all so, so wrong.

"I'll go talk some sense into him." Dean says as he gets up from the couch and follows Sam out the door.

"I'm sorry, Y/N." Bobby offers as you stare at the door.

"It's okay. It's not your fault." You mutter. If Sam's going to leave then you guess you're going to have to start to picture your life without him.

"I know what you're thinking, Y/N, and Sam is not going to leave you." You look up at Castiel, surprised.

"The fact that you are soul mates won't let him leave. He is still tied to you, more than ever now that you're going to have his child. He may not love that child but he will protect it with every fiber of his being."

"I don't understand." You state. You need clarification because what he just said doesn't make any sense.

"This child will have half of Sam's chromosomes and half of yours. This child is essentially an extension of you, which is what will keep Sam tied to the offspring. He's going to be protective over it. It's his natural born instinct."

"So he's not going leave us?" You ask.

"Absolutely not."

You nod to yourself, relief flooding your body. Even though the guy's soulless, you still want him by your side. You love him. "That's good to know. Thanks, Cas."

He smiles. "It's no problem."

It's at this point that you realize you still have the vice grip on Castiel's arm and let go. "Sorry about that."

Castiel shrugs. "I barely felt it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to more pressing matters at the moment."

"Of course, Cas. Just make sure you check in every once in a while. We miss you down here." You say genuinely.

A light shade of red tints his cheeks and you're pretty sure you just made an angel of the lord blush. It's a cute sight. "I will make sure to do that." And with that last sentence, Castiel disappears.

Bobby sighs and looks towards the kitchen. "How does coffee sound to you right now? Y'know, since you can't have whiskey."

"I'll have a cup. But it'll be my last cup for a while. Pregnant women aren't supposed to have a lot of caffeine."

Bobby nods. "Well, I better make this cup a good one then."

"Yeah."

Something tells you this is going to be a long nine months.


	7. Taken

“Bobby, I’m gonna hang out on the swing for a little while. You’re welcome to join me after you’re done in here.” You tell him as you hold your mug of coffee.

Bobby nods. “I’ll be out in a few minutes or so.”

You exit through the door of the kitchen that leads to the back porch behind Bobby’s house. Being aware of the steaming hot cup of coffee in your hand, you carefully sit yourself down on the porch swing. You sigh to yourself as you look out at the acres of land before you. You take a sip of the coffee, enjoying the slight burning down your throat. It’s a different burn from the whiskey you usually would be drinking in the evening. You’re not going to be enjoying that burn anytime soon. But you’re fine with that.

It’s weird to think that you’re going to be a mom, especially when you think about the life you’ve been living. You know it might seem crazy to everyone, even to you, that you’re going to bring a child into this world. But it’s not so crazy when you consider that Sam, your sweet and pure Sam, might not come back to you. He might be soulless forever. You hate to think about it but it’s a big possibility. This baby, when you think about it, is actually a blessing. You’ll always have a piece of his purity with you, because that’s what this baby is. He, or she, is the last, pure piece of Sam. With this child, you’ll always have him with you. And if you’re lucky, he or she will be just like their father. But what really helped you make the decision to keep the baby is Sam, Sam with a soul, would want you to keep the baby. He would never consider anything else. You know how much Sam wanted to be a father. There were times when he wanted to quit the life and just settle down with you. He knew it would be the only safe way for you and him to have children. You miss him so much it hurts.

You don’t notice you’re crying until your vision of everything in front of you gets all blurry. You shut your eyes, causing more tears escape and trail down your cheeks. When you open them, you see a black Range Rover car in the far distance. You quickly wipe your tears with the back of the hand as you watch the car get closer and closer. The rev of the engine as the vehicle approaches and you stand up, confused as to why there’s a car on Bobby’s land. Your gut is telling you to go inside and get Bobby but for some reason, you stay where you are. You watch carefully as the Range Rover stops about a hundred feet away from the porch. You watch carefully as a man comes out of the car. He looks like your traditional redneck, what with the plaid shirt, denim vest and jeans, cowboy boots, and a red bandanna wrapped around his shoulder length hair.

"Sorry to disturb ya, darling.” His southern accent is thick as he apologizes. “I seem to have to lost my way. Do you think you can help me?” He asks as he scratches his head.

He seems genuine but it’s seems pretty weird for someone to just drive up like this. You’re gonna listen to your gut feeling and get Bobby. “This is my grandfather’s house. He’ll be able to help you. I’m just gonna go get him.” You answer with a smile before you turn around.

“I don’t think that’ll be necessary.” You hear him say before you hear the click of a gun.

Shit.

You turn back around just in time to see the man’s eyes turn black. You raise your hands in the air. “You’re a demon.” You swallow the bile that threatens to come up. “Of course.”

The demon smiles and shrugs with his gun still pointed at you. “Right you are, darling.”

You watch as two men in black suits emerge from the vehicle. Their eyes are also black. “You’re coming with us.”

You close your eyes for a brief moment. “Okay, okay.” You open them and start walking towards them. “Just don’t-”

“Hurt your precious Winchesters.” He finishes for you. “Don’t worry, they’re safe. The boss has plans for them.”

You know exactly who they’re talking about. “Crowley.” You say out loud as you make your way to your kidnapper.

“Hurry up!” The demon yells as he shakes the gun at you, making you jump.

“Alright.” You say softly, hands still up in the air as you take faster and longer strides. Of course this would happen to you at a time like this. You find out you’re pregnant, The father, who’s soulless, wants you to get rid of it, and now the King of Hell wants you in his possession for reasons unknown. Awesome.

Y/N!“ You hear Bobby yell. You’re about to turn around when demon grabs you roughly by the waist and thrusts you into the arms of one of the suited men behind him. The suited man quickly turns you around and cuffs you before turning you back around so that you’re looking at Bobby over the redneck demon’s shoulder.

The redneck demon now has his gun pointed at Bobby, which makes you angry. "Don’t hurt him!” You honestly don’t know how you could stop Bobby from being shot but you’re not really thinking rationally right now. You thrust yourself forward but the suited demon behind you pulls on the chain just in time to send you crashing back into him. This doesn’t deter you as you bend your right knee, bring it back up, and the heel of your foot with, what you assume to be, the suited man’s genitals. The demon loudly grunts and you waste no time in surging forward, brutally tackling the demon to the ground. You’re roughly pulled up by the other, uninjured, suited demon just in time to see the demon you tackled slowly stand up and holds out one finger to Bobby, signaling him to stop and listen.

“Tell the Winchesters Crowley wants to make a deal.” He tells Bobby before he turns around and his fist connects with your face, knocking you unconscious.

*

Dean’s been walking for about five minutes God knows how far those long ass legs can take him. He jogs for about forty five seconds before he sees the shaggy haired giant. “Sam, wait up!” His yell causes Sam to turn back for a fifth of a second but Dean still manages to catch Sam’s eye roll.

“Go away, Dean.” Sam says roughly, not bothering to look back at the elder brother.

“Yeah, I’m definitely gonna turn back just because you said.” Dean replies, his words dripping with sarcasm. “Why don’t you just stop being a dick and listen?” It’s more of a statement than a question.

“God, you’re annoying.” Sam’s obviously exasperated but he stops in his tracks. Even soulless, he listens.

“I’m your older brother. It kind of comes with the job description.” Dean shrugs as he approaches the taller, but younger, brother.

“What do you want?” Sam asks as he turns around to face Dean. He shoves his hands in his pockets as he waits for Dean to start talking.

“Look, I know you’re soulless and everything but it doesn’t give you the right to be a douche bag.”

“I’m sorry, did we not hear the same news back there?” He points towards the direction of the house. “She’s pregnant. Do you have any idea what that means?”

“It means you’re going to be a dad.” Dean says simply.

“God, don’t say that!” Sam grimaces. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I don’t do relationships and I sure as hell don’t do babies. It’s not in MY job description.”

Dean raises an eyebrow. “I bet you weren’t complaining when you were having sex with her.”

Sam gives Dean the ultimate bitch face, which Dean promptly ignores. “Listen, soulless or not, you have a responsibility to Y/N and that baby. And I’ll be damned if I let you run away from that responsibility. Be a man and suck it up.” Before Sam gets a chance to respond, Dean’s phone rings. “Hold that thought, Sam.” He pulls out his phone and sees Bobby’s name on the screen. He doesn’t understand why Bobby’s calling but picks up the phone nonetheless.

“Yeah?”

“You and Sam gotta get back. They took Y/N.”

Dean’s heart almost jumps out of his chest. “Who?”

“Demons. They said something about a deal with Crowley.”

“We’re on our way back.” Dean hangs up.

“What’s wrong?”

“First, you gotta relax.” Dean says calmly. He knows Sam’s not going to take the news lightly so he’s trying to make this as easy as possible.

“What?” He asks, confused. “Why?”

“Y/N was taken. By demons.”

Sam’s features harden. “Demons?”

“Crowley’s henchmen. He wants to make a deal.”

“Let’s go.” Sam grunts, his jaw clenching with overwhelming anger.

*

You wake up on concrete floor. Your jaw throbs with pain and you remember the redneck demon hitting you before everything went black. You rub your jaw as you sit up, already imagining the bruise that’s probably forming at the moment.

“You got a hell of fight in you.” You look up and see a different suited demon with his black eyes staring down on you. The smirk on his face makes you want to punch him.

“What does Crowley want?” You ask nastily.

“You don’t waste any time, do you?” He replies.

You roll your eyes. “No, dickwad. I don’t. Now, why am I here?”

“Calling people names isn’t going to get you anywhere, honey.“

Your nose wrinkles out of disgust. "Don’t call me that. I’m not your honey. I’m not your anything.”

“Do you really expect me to give you information when you’re being so impolite?” He places his hands behind his back and walks from side to side, revealing the steel bars behind you. You’re in a cell. Great.

“Maybe I wouldn’t be so rude if you actually gave me some answers.” You bite back.

For a second it looks like this demon is about to slug you when you hear a familiar voice. “Cesar, leave the poor girl alone.” You know that accent all too well.

The demon named Cesar takes a few steps back, revealing the King of Hell in all his glory. You watch him behind the sliver bars as he unlocks the cell door, pulling it all the way back before stepping in the three walled jail cell with you. The red rose in the pocket of his black blazer pops out at you.

“Hello, darling.” He greets you.

You don’t say anything to him.

“Cesar, take that thing off her. She’s not an animal.” Crowley gestures to the metal chain around your ankle that you hadn’t noticed until he mentioned it. “I don’t know why she’s chained in the first place. She’s not an animal.”

“Bowery insisted on it.” The demon informs Crowley as he bends down to the side of you, pulling out a key from his pocket and opening the lock. “She tackled him.” He adds before getting back up and going back to standing beside his leader.

“And I suppose that’s why she has that bruise on the side of her face.” Crowley assumes. He turns to the demon beside him. “Did I or did I not give specific instructions to you lot?” Even though you can see Crowley’s profile, you can see that he’s extremely annoyed. “No one’s supposed to lay a hand on her.”

“I know, sir, but it wasn’t my doing.” Cesar tells him.

“Of course not. Get rid of him.”

“Of Bowery?” He asks.

“Yes, you twit. Now get out of my sight.” Crowley shoos the demon away and if it were under different circumstances, you would chuckle.

Crowley lets out a sigh before turning his attention back to you. “Idiots, I tell you.”

Again, you say nothing. You’ve never really had a conversation with Crowley. Whenever you’ve been in contact with him, you’ve always been with the boys. This is the first time you have ever been alone with him. And to be honest, it’s pretty intimidating. But you’re not going to let him know that.

“What do you want, Crowley?” You ask, getting off the floor before dusting yourself off.

He shrugs. “What do you think I want?”

You roll your eyes.“I’m not in the mood for a guessing game.”

“Fair enough. I want your precious little boys to complete a task for me.”

“What do you want them to do?” You ask, confused. Why would he need them to do anything for him? Why can’t he just get his demons to do it for him?

“Simple. I want an alpha.”

“An alpha?”

“Yes. Alpha as in the first of their kind.”

“Whose kind are you taking about?”

“Any monster’s kind. But in this case, I want the Alpha Vampire.”

“You want them to bag the mother of all vampires?” You scoff. “Yeah, okay. Good luck with that.”

“What, don’t you think they can do it?” He smirks.

“They’re not going to do it.” You state, promptly ignoring his question.

“Why do you think you’re here, darling?” You’re my leverage.“ He says smugly, giving you a knowing smile.

You don’t say anything. It makes sense now. Sam and Dean would never do anything for Crowley, not in a million years, not unless one of their loved ones are being threatened. That’s you. You’re about to respond when you hear shouting and glass breaking on the floor above you.

Crowley looks up at the bare ceiling with a smile. "If you’ll excuse me, I believe my guests have arrived.” You watch him as he steps out of the cell, locking it behind him before walking away. You sigh out of defeat and walk to one of the corners of the cell, sinking against the wall before finally sitting down. All you can do now is wait.

*

You’re staring at the floor when you hear the clang of metal, causing your head to snap up in the direction of the noise. The demon, Cesar, is opening the cell and you quickly get up, firmly pressing your back against the wall just in case black eyes tries to do anything funny.

“You’re being summoned.” He tells you as he steps into the cell. As he’s walking towards you, you see him holding a pair of sliver handcuffs. You stare at the dangling handcuffs as he’s approaching you. He’s wearing a devilish smile when he sees you eyeing them. “That’s right, sweets. You’re getting cuffed. Now turn around.”

As much as you want to resist and kick his ass, you know it’s only going to end up badly for you so you do what he says. Not without hesitation, though. You put your hands behind your back and feel the cold metal touch your wrists. There we go.“ He says when the cuffs click together.

"Douche.” You say under your breath as you turn back around.

“Let’s go.” He grips your left arm and tugs you forward, almost making you lose your footing.

Cesar practically drags you out of the cell and down a bare hallway leading up to a creaking staircase. You’re careful while you’re going up the stairs because if you go down, you’re sure as hell going to bring this demon down with you. Once you two make it up the stairs with no incident, he unlocks the door with a skeleton key. The door opens and you two go down a long corridor. The walls are covered with red velvet and there are several paintings of people who are most likely deceased by now. Cesar halts when you get to, what you would say, is the midpoint of the long hallway. He turns to the knob of the door you two stopped in front of, opening it and revealing what seems to be a study. You’re scanning the room, looking at all the bookshelves that cover the walls when you see Crowley and several of his lower level demons. Crowley and the demons lined up next to him have their backs to you, which makes it difficult to see past them.

Crowley seems to hear the footsteps and turns around with a smile. “Y/N. How nice of you to join us.” He says with a clap of his hands. You sneer as you and Cesar approach him. The demon passes you on to the king, who gently places his hand on the small of your back and puts you in view of Sam and Dean. They’re surrounded by a small group of demons, probably to ensure that no funny business goes on. You glance at Dean and give him, small nod, which tells him that you’re okay. You don’t want to look at Sam. You’re still upset with him.

“Alright, Crowley, we agreed to your stupid deal. Now let her go.” Dean orders.

“Don’t get testy, Dean. You know I’m a man of my word.” He replies before he releases you from the handcuffs. “Gentleman, please escort them out.”

*

The drive back to Bobby’s house is mostly silent, aside from the occasional “Are you sure you’re okay?” from Dean. When you arrive to the house you get out first, wanting to avoid any more questioning from Dean or anyone else. You’re about to halfway to the door when you feel a large hand on your arm. You know who it is and your immediate reaction is to swat it away. “Don’t touch me.” You mutter as you keep walking towards the door.

“Y/N-”

“I don’t want to hear it.” You cut him off. You start walking even faster, wanting more than anything to get inside. You’re almost to the door when a tight grip on your arm stops you. You think about yanking yourself away from him or yelling at him but you don’t do either. You were going to have this conversation. It might as well be now. You stop and cross your arms while you wait for Dean to pass the two of you. You don’t look at Sam.

“Let me know if you need anything.” Dean asks. He slows down as he waits for your response. You just nod and he walks right past you. 

You take a deep breath before turning around, meeting Sam face to face. Or face to chest, really. “What is it, Sam? You ask, arms still crossed.

"Are you okay?” He asks. For a second, it almost seems like he cares.

“What’s it to you? You said you were going to leave.” You retort, the resentment clear in your voice.

You can tell that he’s bit surprised by your response. He bites his lip, nodding his head as if to say ‘Yeah, I probably deserve that’. “Okay. I didn’t mean what I said back at the house.”

You sigh, annoyed. “Don’t lie to me, Sam. We both know you meant what you said.”

He shrugs exaggeratedly. “Okay, fine. I did. But can you blame me? You’re crazy for thinking that this could work.“

It’s like he doesn’t listen to anything you say. "Do you hear yourself? I already told you I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

There’s a pause before he answers. “Fine, you don’t, but you have to think about what I’m saying.”

“I have, Sam. I get it, I don’t have a real job, you’re soulless, and once this child is born, it’ll have a target on its back because of your household name.” “And it might be selfish and stupid, but I don’t care. I want to have this child.” You feel your eyes start to get watery. He’s never going to understand why you’re doing this. He doesn’t know how much this means to you.

“How am I supposed to take care of a child, Y/N? I’m soulless, okay? I don’t care for kids.”

“You think I don’t fucking know that, Sam?” You reply, your voice raised.

“No, it doesn’t seem like it.”

You’re so upset, a few tears escape your eyes and make their way down your cheek. “God, you’re such a dick!” You say as you roughly wipe away the tears with the back of your hand.

“I’m just trying to do what’s best for you!”

You let out a sarcastic laugh, which causes more tears leave your eyes. “Are you serious? You’re doing what’s best for _you_! Not me, you! You could care less about me, asshole.” You push him and he stumbles. “I could run away and get killed and you wouldn’t give two shits!”

He steps closer to you, his expression now angry. “That’s a lie and you know it!”

“Is it? It didn’t seem like it. You were willing to leave me _and_ your unborn child!”

“I was never going to leave, Y/N!” He yells. “Ever! When I heard Crowley took you away, I wanted to rip through every single one of those demons to get to you!”

You turn your head to the side, trying to hold in the rest of your tears, not wanting to listen to him talk anymore. It just makes you more upset. Your breath hitches when you feel his fingers brush over your skin. “Look at your face! Looking at that bruise and knowing that one of those demons did that to you makes me want to feed him his own limbs.”

“ _I'm fine_.” You lie, still not looking at him as you're wiping away more tears.

“You’re not. I’m soulless and even I can see that.”

You don’t say anything.

“Look at me.”

“No.”

“Y/N, look at me.”

“I said no.”

You gasp when his fingers grip your chin. His grip is strong enough for him to turn your face to meet his but not enough to hurt you. “Think or say whatever you want about me but I would die in order to save you, you hear me?” He releases his hold on you. “Fine. Have the baby if you want. I’m going to be the father? Fine. That means it’s mine just as much as it is yours, which means it’s my job to protect you both. This doesn’t mean I love you or it. It just means that I have a responsibility to you both.”

“You don’t owe us anything.” You say quietly.

“I don’t. But as long as I have this attachment to you, I’m not going anywhere.”


	8. Yours

You sigh to yourself as you circle the last 'Help Wanted' ad on the current newspaper page with a red sharpie. It's for the small market about twenty minutes away from the house. They're looking for a cashier. 

"I could be a cashier." You tell yourself as you sit cross legged on your bed. "I have decent math and social skills, right?" You ask yourself, nervously biting the end of the marker. "I can try it. There's no harm in trying." You nod, still trying to get used to the thought. "This is for the kid." You remind yourself before grabbing the newspaper and climbing off the bed, ready to tell everyone your idea about finally getting a job. 

"Morning, mama." Dean greets you with a smile as you walk into the kitchen, where he and Sam are having coffee. 

You playfully roll your eyes at your new nickname. "Morning, Dean. And Sam." You quickly add and nod at the younger brother, who returns the gesture before he resumes to drink out of his mug. 

"You hungry? I could whip up some eggs. Maybe some sausage..." Dean offers.

You grimace at the thought of food. "Not right now. I was nauseous earlier and just thinking about eating is making me want to barf. But thanks." You smile graciously.

"Not a problem." You watch as his green eyes trail down to the reading material in your hands. "What's with the newspaper?" He asks with a weird look. "You do know you could just get the news from the Internet, right?"

"Ha ha. Very funny, Dean. I was looking for a job in the neighborhood." You inform him and Sam.

"A job?" Dean raises an eyebrow as he shoots a glance at Sam, who shrugs in response. His eyes find their way back to you. "Why are you looking for a job?"

"For the baby...I have to buy a ton of stuff-"

"We. We have to buy stuff for the baby. This is a team effort. We'll give you the money you need. You don't have to worry about that." He waves you off. 

"How? We don't get paid, Dean. Besides, it'll only be part-time."

"You're pregnant, Y/N." Dean tells you, as if you didn't already know.

"I'm only in my first trimester, Dean." You remind him. 

"Wait, aren't you three months?" Dean asks, confused. 

He obviously needs some clarification. "The first trimester is the first three months." 

"Oh."

"I'm three months which means I'm reaching the end of my first trimester but that's not the point. The point is, being pregnant doesn't make me incapable of working." You explain. "Lots of women work during their pregnancy. Some will even work up until they're in labor. And what else am I supposed to do? I stopped hunting the moment I found out I was pregnant. I've only been researching this entire time. I'm going to go crazy if I have to stay in this house for the entire pregnancy."

Dean turns to Sam. "What do you think?"

"I think she's going to do what she wants regardless of what you or I tell her, Dean." Sam tells him with a hint of a chuckle. 

"Exactly." You agree as Dean turns his attention back to you. "I just wanted to tell you because I didn't want you to get worried if, at times, you come home and I'm not here."

He relents. "Okay, fine."

"Cool. I'm gonna go and start asking around." 

You're about to walk out of the kitchen when Dean stops you. "Wait. Would you mind getting groceries while you're out?"

"Sure. Give me the list and I'll get them."

"There's a lot on the list so Sam will go with you." 

The comment makes Sam put his coffee down. "What?"

"She's not going to be able to carry it all by herself, Sam.

"And why can't you go?" Sam asks.

"I think you two should bond some more." Dean says simply. 

You step in. "Yeah, I don't think that's really necessary." 

"You guys barely talk to each other." Dean points out.

"So?" Sam asks.

"Don't you two think you should put all of your crap aside, y'know, for the kid?" Dean turns to Sam. "Sam, I know you're not exactly thrilled about becoming a dad but it's happening, soulless or not. Y/N needs more than your protection. She needs your support. So you better get it together." Dean finishes and you kind of want to hug him. 

Sam rolls his eyes. "Fine, I'll go."

"Don't look so excited, Sam." You remark. 

"I'll try not to." Sam responds, giving you a sarcastic smile. 

Now it's your turn to roll your eyes. "Can I have the list, Dean?" 

"Sure thing, kiddo."

After getting the list and grabbing your jacket, you leave with Sam in his car. The drive to the supermarket is pretty much silent. Sam has nothing to say to you and you have nothing to say to Sam. It's true, what Dean said. You and Sam haven't really talked since Crowley decided to hold you hostage. What are you and Sam supposed to talk about anyway? Your pregnancy? You know he could not care less about your pregnancy. He doesn't even want the kid for God's sake. According to him, his only job is to protect and provide. Nothing less and nothing more. 

It only takes you and Sam about twenty minutes, give or take, to get to the supermarket. The supermarket's a little bigger than you thought it would be. There are about 12 or 13 aisles in total. By the amount of the people in here, you guess this is the only supermarket around for miles. 

"You want to split up, save some time?" You ask, looking up at Sam. 

"Sure. What is it you want me to get?" 

You pull the list out of your pocket, carefully tear it half and hand it to Sam. Sam quickly looks over the list and nods. 

"Cool?" You ask.

"Yep. Call me if you need anything." Sam tells you before he basically runs away.

"Sure." You mutter as you walk the opposite of Sam's direction. As you walk, you start to read the list. The very first item on the list is pie. It's written in capital letters with several exclamations following it. You chuckle to yourself and head over to the frozen food section, where they have ice cream and frozen pastries. After a couple of minutes, you find a stack of frozen pies. Most of them are Apple, which is perfect. Now that you've found the pie, you're able to focus on everything else on the list. You start by getting the meat and spices. Next are the vegetables and the fruit, along with cases of beer. Following that is the bread, coffee, and some junk food. After ten minutes you're almost though the entire list, with the items tucked safely in a shopping cart you picked up along the way. Feeling constricted by your jacket, you take it off and stuff in it the cart. You're strolling through the toiletry aisle, looking at the paper towels to your right when you hear your name. You take your eyes off the Bounty and look forward where you see no other than Brady, your former college classmate. 

You break out into a smile. "Brady!" 

Brady seems just as excited as you are and momentarily leaves his cart to greet you. He happily walks over to you and you engulf him in your arms, hugging him tight. 

"Hey, stranger." Brady say as you two pull away from each other. "How've you been?"

"Good! I've been good." You respond, nodding. "And you?"

"Same. We gotta stop meeting like this." Brady jokes. 

"I agree. People will think we're in cahoots." You say with a chuckle. 

"I wouldn't mind." Brady shrugs with a smile. "But I bet your boyfriend would."

"Just a little." You say, making a gesture with your thumb and your trigger finger. 

"How is he, by the way?" 

"Sam? He's good. So what are you doing here?" You ask, changing the subject. You don't mention Sam's in the market because then Brady's going to expect for you to introduce them both. You remember Sam's reaction the night you went out for drinks with Brady. Yeah, not a good idea for them to meet. 

"I'm just buying some chips and beer." He lifts up his basket to show you. "I'm having a guy's night at my place."

"Are you guys watching a game? I mean, I just ask because when guys get together and drink and eat junk food, it's usually to watch a sport."

Brady smiles. "You're right on the money. There's a football game on tonight."

"Sounds like fun."

"It is." He nods. "Hey, we should have another night out at the bar."

"I would but I can't. At least not for another six months." You reply. 

Brady frowns, not understanding. "Why?"

"Um, well, I'm pregnant." You reveal with some hesitation. You know Brady has a small crush on you. 

Brady's eyes widen. "Oh?"

You nod, confirming it. Yeah." 

"Wow," He runs a hand through his hair. "You're pregnant! That's Amazing." He nods to himself. "Just amazing...How far along are you?"

"She's almost four months." You feel a hand go around your waist and you look up to see your soulless 'boyfriend'. "Hi, I'm Sam." He holds out his hand for Brady to take. 

"Brady." Brady responds as he accepts the gesture and shakes Sam's hand. "Nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you."

Sam nods, a small smile on his face even though his eyes tell a different story. "I wish I could say the same." His passive-aggressive comment does not go unnoticed by Brady or by you. 

You step in before Sam or Brady can say anything else. "Brady, uh, went to college with me."

Sam keeps his eyes on Brady. "Nice." Is all he says. 

It's obvious Sam is making Brady uncomfortable but it seems he's trying his best not to make it any more awkward. "Yeah. Congrats on the baby, man." 

"Thanks. We're very excited." Sam responds as he gives your waist a gentle squeeze. 

"I bet." Brady nods and checks his watch. "So, uh, I should be really going now but it was a pleasure to meet you, Sam. Y/N, it was nice seeing you." 

You force a smile while Sam waves as Brady walks off. Your smile quickly fades as you're stepping away from Sam, his grip on your waist slipping away. "What the hell was that?"

"What?" Sam asks simply. 

"The display of the dominance. Your hand around my waist while you stared him down." You answer, exasperated.

He shrugs. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Really? So you wouldn't mind if I tracked him down and talked to him?" You ask as you put your hands on your hips. 

"You're _mine_ , Y/N." Sam says, his tone low and serious.

"I'm not a freaking object, Sam." You say, your tone now matching his. "And Brady's my friend! You can't just treat him that way."

"I know you're not." He answers, ignoring the latter part of your response.

"No, I don't think you do. You can't just act like you don't care about me and then try to stake your claim on me when I'm around another man. Especially if that man is my friend." You explain. "It's disrespectful. It's also hurtful. You might not have feelings but other people do. I do. Be mindful of them." You say as you grip the handle on your cart. You don't give Sam the chance to reply. You don't really want to hear what he has to say anyway. "Let's just get this done with. I still have to talk to the manager about the job." You tell him before you start to push the cart forward. 

After getting the rest of the items on the list and giving in your resume to the manager, you leave the market. As Sam helps you put grocery bags in the trunk, he starts to speak. "You're not a possession. I know that. You're your own person and you know how to take care of yourself. I admire that."

You look up, meeting his gaze, thinking about his words. "Then you know that I don't need you to act all alpha male when there's no reason to be."

Sam sighs as he grips the top of the trunk. "I know." He says, nodding to himself. "It's just something that's difficult to control. It's my-"

"Instinct." You finish for him. "I know." 

"I know you don't appreciate when I say you're mine-"

"I only told you one out of the two reasons I don't appreciate it." You admit to Sam. 

"What's the other?" Sam asks, curiosity in his light eyes. 

"The other reason is that...With the exception of marriage, I couldn't be any more yours if I tried. Even soulless, I'm madly in love with you. I'm having your child for crying out loud. Not Brady's, not any other man's, _yours_." You say as your finger pokes his chest, driving your point home. "Whether you like it or not, I'm tied to you. I'm yours. Forever."

The next thing Sam does takes you by complete surprise. He kisses you. And it's not just any kiss. This kiss is hungry and desperate. It tells you that he wants to devour you here and now. You hear the trunk slam shut before Sam pulls you in closer, one hand caressing your ass while the other's gripping the back of your neck. You moan into Sam's mouth when the hand caressing your ass makes its way to the front of your jeans, unbuckling them before it slips into the denim, cupping your mound through your cotton underwear. He rubs just the right way and sends waves of pleasure through you. You enjoy the feeling for a few seconds before remembering you're in the middle of a parking lot. Your lips leave Sam's.

"Sam," You pant. "W-We're in public." 

"Relax, there's no one around." He reassures you as he nibbles on your ear. "If you're really worried, why don't you get in the backseat of the car and let me take care of you?" You look up into his eyes, now darkened by lust. Usually you would oppose doing things like this, especially in broad daylight, but your raging hormones coupled with what Sam's doing with his hand, makes you lose all judgement. You nod your head. Sam smirks at you, obviously pleased, and sneaks his hand out of your pants. 

The next couple of minutes are a blur as you two quickly get into the backseat of the car, both of you pulling your pants down in a haste to get a release. You bite back a moan as Sam enters you, your inner walls expanding to accommodate his intimidating size. You grip the leather seats as Sam begins to thrust into you, the force of it making his hips crash into yours. The ache from the collisions gives you a thrilling mix of pain and pleasure, increasing your already heightened state of mind. 

"Fuck, I've missed you." Sam mutters into your skin before he presses his needing lips to your panting lips. You open your mouth when Sam's tongue begs for entrance, snaking its way in before it meets with yours. No more is said as Sam continues to move inside you, never slowing down until both of you climax, finally getting what you craved. You both lay there, breathing heavily and reveling in post-coital bliss. After about a minute of catching his breath, Sam lifts his head and gives you a lazy smile. 

"What?" You ask, not being to help smiling along with him. 

"Regret that?" He asks with a raise of an eyebrow.

"You're such a dick!" You laugh as you playfully shove him. 

"I know." He replies with a cocky smile.

You take in his smile, though cocky, is a wonderful sight. You really do love him. And, in his own weird way, he cares for you. You start thinking about the appointment you have tomorrow. Maybe he'll come. "Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"So I have this appointment tomorrow. It's a regular checkup thing but I think I'll be able to find out the sex of the baby. Do you, maybe, wanna go?"

"Is it necessary for me to go?"

"No," You sigh. "But it would mean a lot to me if you were there." You pause. "Never mind, I can always ask Charlie or Brady-"

"No." He says firmly. "I'm coming."

You knew once you mentioned Brady you were would get him. "Really?"

Sam nods. "You're mine. Both of you." He reminds you as he slips a hand under your shirt and palms your small bump. There's no dominance in his tone this time. Just protectiveness. 

"Yours, Sam. All yours."


	9. It's a ...!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Sam and the reader were a happy couple until Sam lost his soul. Now the reader can’t stand to be around him, which Soulless!Sam doesn’t seem to mind until he starts having these ‘feelings’ that go beyond attraction.

“Alright, this is going to feel a bit cold…” The ultrasound technician warns you before you feel a gel-like substance on your bare belly. You look down and stare at your belly while she spreads the aforementioned gel on it. Your eyes follow her hand when she grabs, what she calls, the “ultrasound transducer” and watch her press it against your abdomen. “Okay, let’s see here…”

Your eyes are now looking at the screen next to the bed, showing the fetus inside you. You quietly gasp when you hear a clear and steady beat. “Is that?”

The technician smiles and nods. “That’s the baby’s heartbeat. It’s a strong one too, which is a really good sign.” You follow along for the next minute as she points out the baby’s hands, feet, and head, out to you. Your hear swells at the sight of the life inside you, making the experience of being pregnant that much more fulfilling. The examination doesn’t take very long. She tells you everything seems to be fine as the baby is healthy and is growing at normal rate, which is everything you hoped for.

You almost forget Sam is right beside you until he speaks for the first time you two have entered the room. “Is she having a boy or a girl?”

You look at the doctor expectantly. “Is it possible to tell?”

She nods. “Yes. Would you like to know?”

“Please.” You answer with an excited smile.

“You’re having a girl.”

“A girl?” You ask softly. “I’m having a girl?” You turn your head to Sam. “Sam, we’re having a girl.” You repeat, still not believing it. To be honest, you always thought you would have a boy. Sam and Dean don’t have any sisters and you’ve been surrounded by guys for so long, with the exception of Charlie, that the thought of having a girl never really occurred to you. You just assumed it would be another Winchester boy. But it’s not.

You’re so wrapped up in your thoughts that you don’t notice the mild surprise on his face. “You have to be kidding me.” He blurts out and the expression on the technician’s face is not a pleasant one.

Damage control, Y/N. “Forgive him,” You tell her with a small smile as you grip his hand, squeezing it hard enough to know you’re probably be cutting off his blood circulation. “He’s just surprised.”

You see a small sign of pain on Sam’s face before he forces a smile. “Sorry, yeah, I’m just shocked. This is big news to me.” You release him from your death grip and he visibly relaxes. “There are only boys in my family. I haven’t had many experience with girls.” He explains.

“Well, this will make great practice.” She says as she forces a smile of her own.

After thanking the ultrasound technician and confirming your next appointment, you and Sam exit the building. Once you’re a few feet away from the door you hit Sam in the arm. “What the hell was that?”

“What the hell was what?”

“Your reaction to the sex of the baby? ‘You have to be kidding me’”. You imitate his husky tone.

“I was surprised! I had no time to filter myself!” He explains.

“You really need to work on that.” You tell him.

Sam rolls his eyes at your response. “Whatever.”

“Seriously, Sam. You need to work on your social skills.” You urge him. “They’re more important than you think.”

“Alright, Alright…” He says as you two reach the car.

You watch Sam on the drive home, paying close attention to his clenched jaw and his white knuckled grip on the steering wheel.

“Are you okay?” You ask after five minutes of brooding silence.

Sam glances at you, a strange expression on his face. “I’m fine.”

More silence.

“Are you sure about that? You seem kind of, I don’t know, tense.” You study his profile for the slightest change in his expression.

“Nope. I’m right as rain.” He answers.

“Sam, soulless or not, I think I know you well enough to recognize when there’s something wrong with you.”

No response.

“Fine.” You huff. “Just sit there and pretend nothing’s bothering you.”“

You notice the quick flare of his nostrils but nothing more. You decide not to push it. He obviously doesn’t want to talk about it. Eventually, he’ll budge. You hope he will, anyway.

Unsurprisingly, the rest of the drive is spent in silence. When you finally get into the house, you find Dean watching TV while holding a cup coffee on the arm of the couch. His green eyes leave the screen and focus on you.

"Hey. How’d it go?” He asks before he brings the cup to his lips and takes a sip.

“Good.” You answer. “We found out the sex of the baby.” You add with a smile. 

“Really?” He moves forward and sets the coffee down on the table before him, a smile on his face. “What is it?”

“We’re having a girl.” You say, excitement evident in your voice.

You watch as the smile on his face gets wider, almost taking up his entire face. “I’m gonna have a niece?”

“Yep!” You nod.

Dean gets up from the couch, walks over to you, and engulfs you in a tight hug. “This is great.” He breathes as you’re cheek to cheek. 

“It really is.” You agree. “Hey, would you talk to Sam for me? There’s something going on with him and he won’t tell me.”

“Got it.” He winks as you two pull away from each other.

“Thank you.” You mouth to him as you’re walking out of the room, leaving the brothers alone. Once you’re out of sight, you press yourself against the wall, waiting for conversation. You know you shouldn’t be eavesdropping but your need to know what’s going on overpowers your guilt.

“So you’re having a girl.” Dean says casually. “That’s exciting, huh?”

“Don’t remind me.” Sam replies coldly.

“Whoa, what’s up with you?”

“Nothing. Nothing’s up with me.”

“Doesn’t sound like it.”

“It’s just…What the hell am I supposed to do with a girl, Dean?” Sam admits. He’s obviously exasperated.

“Take care of it, maybe?” Dean offers with a hint of sarcasm.

“Don’t be a smart ass. Having a girl is one thing, but having a girl…It’s a whole ‘nother ballgame.”

“I wouldn’t say it’s a whole 'nother ballgame.”

“Dean, what do you think is going to happen when all these monsters hell bent on ganking our asses are going to do when they find out I’m having a kid, especially a girl. You’ve said it yourself, the hits have been coming since I’ve been six months old. This is perfect leverage for them.”

“Whether it’s a boy or girl doesn’t make a lick of a difference to them. The fact that it’s your kid is enough for them.”

“But what if she’s not tough enough?”

“What the hell is wrong with you? Of course she’s going to be tough. She’s a Winchester. And have you met her mom? Her mom is one tough cookie.”

“I don’t know, Dean.”

“Don’t be sexist. The fact that she’s a girl doesn’t change anything. We’ve had our fair share of strong women in our lives. Our mom, for one. There was Ellen and Jo. There was also Missouri before she fell off the face of the earth.”

“Sexist? What are you, a feminist?”

“Always have been, I just didn’t know it. Y/N’s been teaching me a few things. You’re one too, or were one before you lost your soul. Y'know what I think? I think this doesn’t have to do with the sex of the baby at all. I think you’re worried about being able to protect them, which you swear is your God given job.”

“It is my job, Dean. And I am going to protect them.”

“Whatever you say, man. Just know that things happen. They don’t happen a lot, but they happen. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.”

“I couldn’t care less about what people think about me.”

“Not even what Y/N thinks?”

Silence.

“Look man, I don’t why you didn’t just bring this up to her.”

“Didn’t want to upset her again. She almost bit my head off after the appointment.”

“And I’m sure she had every reason to.” Dean chuckles. “You can be pretty dumb.”

“I guess.”

“Sammy, it’ll be fine.”

*

You exit the supermarket, relieved the day is over. It’s been close to a month since you’ve started working there and it hasn’t been the greatest experience. It’s not fun having to deal with rude and ungrateful customers, day in and day out. You don’t understand how people can be so crabby, especially when you’re trying to help them.

“Whatever.” You mutter to yourself before you check your watch. Nine o’ clock. Not too late. The next bus to your neck of the words should be arriving in five minutes or so. Good thing it only takes you about a minute or so to get to the nearest bus stop. You begin walking when you see a small, black car approaching. You’re confused for about a second before the person in the driver’s seat rolls down their window.

“Need a lift?” Sam asks as his perfectly sculpted face comes into full view. He’s sporting a smirk and if you weren’t thinking how cute he looks at the moment, you might have smacked the expression off his face.

You begrudgingly walk to the window. “We talked about this, Sam.”

“You talked. I listened.” He shrugs. “Sort of, anyway. Besides, I told you I’m not comfortable with you being out here by yourself at this time of night. Now, get in the car.”

You cock an eyebrow as you place your hands on your hips, defiant. “I don’t respond well to demands.”

Sam sighs. “Please get in the car, Y/N.”

You roll your eyes, walking around to the passenger side and waiting a few seconds for Sam to unlock the doors before entering the vehicle.

“I don’t see why you’re upset with me. I just want you to be safe.” Sam tells you as you buckle your seat belt.

“I can take care of myself, Samuel.” You reply as he starts to drive.

“I know. But you’re pregnant.” Sam reminds you as he glances over to your side.

“Whatever, Sam.” You understand his reasoning but can’t help being annoyed at him. “What’d you guys do today?” You ask, changing the subject so maybe you’ll stop feeling so irritated. You know it’s partly due to your raging hormones. They throw your emotions out of whack.

“Took out another vamp’s nest.” He informs you. “It was pretty bloody.”

“I never thought I would say this but I think I’m actually jealous of you.” You admit.

“Why?”

“Bagging groceries and being yelled at is not exactly fun. Besides, I kind of miss kicking ass." 

"Makes sense. It was fun watching you kick ass. Kind of hot, actually. I remember the last time we all took out vamp’s nest.”

“You mean the time I almost died?”

“You might have you hadn’t gotten those two vamps off you.”

“Or if my knight in shining armor hadn’t come to my rescue.” You say dramatically as you place a hand on his broad shoulder.

“Ew. Don’t call me that.” Sam seems genuinely disgusted and it makes you laugh out loud.

“What’s so funny about what I just said?” He asks, now confused.

You take a minute to catch your breath before you answer. “It wasn’t what you said, it was how you said it.”

“How’d I say it?”

“I don’t know. Like the comment caused you discomfort.”

“My discomfort makes you laugh?” It’s more of a statement than a question.

“At the moment, yes.” You nod.

“And I’m supposed to be the soulless one…”

You shrug as a response. He’s not exactly wrong.

“So, uh, how is the baby doing?” He asks, making you do a double take. He’s never asked that before. Sam, seeming to be reading your mind, explains for you. “Dean told me I should check in with you and the baby every once in a while. He seems to think it’s important.”

“Got it. Um, the baby’s fine. She’s okay.”

Sam nods. “Good. Okay.”

The silence after that borders on awkward. However, it doesn’t last very long and soon you and Sam are talking about the next hunt he and Dean are going on. The conversation lasts for the rest of the ride.

Once you enter the house, you walk straight to your room and throw yourself on your bed. Well, you don’t exactly *throw* yourself on the bed. You carefully get on your bed and lie down. You’re tired and you want to sleep but it seems that your mind is a bit restless. All these thoughts about Sam and the baby just keep coming in and out of your head.

You place your hand on your rounded belly and sigh, picturing the life currently growing inside you. “How’re you doing in there, baby girl? Good?” You pause. “I…I’m worried about your dad. He’s, uh, going through something right now. I think that’s the best way to put it. I’m not sure if he’ll be 100% by the time you’re born but uncle Dean and I are going to try. I promise you I’ll do my best to get your dad back, okay? I promise?” You continue to stare at your belly, waiting as if you’re actually going to receive an answer. Okay, you really need to get a-wait, was that…? Another firm kick from the inside of your belly confirms it.

“S-Sam! Dean!” You call out excitedly, loud enough for the entire house to hear. It takes a second, maybe not even a second, before you hear the heavy and familiar thuds of Sam and Dean’s boots heading your directions. The amount of thudding indicates they’re running and you’re pretty sure they think you’re in danger. Oops.

It takes another eight second for them to reach your room, swinging the door open with deadly force before they enter, guns at the ready, their eyes searching for the nonexistent danger. Once they deem the room safe, the determination in their expressions fade before mild annoyance sets in. Sam is clearly more annoyed.

“What the hell, Y/N?” Dean asks, turning the safety on before tucking it in the waistband of his pants.

“Sorry! I just…She kicked!” You blurt out with a smile.

“She kicked?” Dean asks, not understanding. You see the light bulb in his head go off quickly after posing the question. “Oh, the baby, the baby kicked!”

“Quick, come feel!” You wave them over to the bed.

Dean hurries over to the bed with Sam following suit although he looks like he finds all the excitement confusing. “I don’t understand. What’s going on?” Sam asks as Dean places a tentative hand on your bump.

The three of you wait in silence for about another two minutes before you feel another kick, making Dean let out a soft “Wow” while wearing a smile of amazement. His hand stays on your belly for a few more seconds before he removes it and takes a few steps back so Sam is able to take his place. “That’s actually really cool. Feel, Sam.“ He gestures to your bump.

"Feel what?” Sam asks as he moves closer and ends right beside you.

“Here.” You take his hands in yours and he watches as you place his large hands on your bump. His hands are so big his fingers touch the tip of your belly while the bottom of his palm hits the underside of it. It’s foreign, feeling him touch you in a way that isn’t sexual. But it’s also nice.

“What am I supposed to be-” He stops midway when he feels the kick, which makes you smile.

“That’s her?” Sam asks, hands still on your tummy. His expression is unreadable and you don’t know that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Either way, you nod.

“Yep.” You breathe as you feel a couple of more kicks.

“Huh. Seems like the kid’s gonna be a soccer player with the way she kicks.” Sam jokes with a smile before he slowly pulls away, which makes you feel a twinge of sadness. You internally sigh but smile externally. At least Sam didn’t respond in the asshole way as he always does, which, now that you think about it, is pretty weird. Whatever, you’re not going to dwell on it. You take what you can get from Sam and right now he’s giving you a positive response so you’re not going to complain.

“I gotta say, man, I’m surprised at your response.” Dean admits, voicing what you’ve been thinking.

Sam shrugs. “I don’t know.”

Dean shrugs back at Sam. “Just saying.”

Sam narrows his eyes as he slowly nods. “Right…” He points to the door awkwardly. “I’m gonna go and finish the research I was working on.”

“Do what you need to.” You smile. He’s obviously uncomfortable and it’s kind of funny but at the same time you feel kind of bad.

Sam nods, exiting the room right after.

“That was kind of weird.” You chuckle. “Anyway, um, I almost forgot, would you come with me and Sam tomorrow to shop for baby clothes?”

“You got Sam to agree to go shopping with you?”

“I kind of told him you were coming with us. Cas too…” You say sheepishly.

“Y/N…”

“You were the one who said we were in this together, Dean.” You remind him with a smile.

“Plus, I’ll let you pick out whatever you want for her as long as it doesn’t look ridiculous.” You add. “Pleaseeeeeeeeeee?”

Even though you can see the hesitation on Dean’s face you hope he’ll say yes.

“You’re the best. I love you. C'mere,” You outstretch your arms so he’ll give you a hug.

Dean playfully rolls his eyes before he bends over to embrace you. “Nothing I pick out is going to be ridiculous, I can tell you that.” He tells you as he pulls away.

“We’ll see Dean, we’ll see.”

*

“Y/N, look!” Dean runs up to you, two onesies in his hands. The first one holds out in front of you is an adorable batman onesie. “What’d ya think?” He asks with an equally adorable grin.

“I love it!” You declare with a grin of your own. “How does the other one look?”

He holds up the other one and you let out a laugh. “Really, Dean?” The writing on the onesie says 'If you think I’m cute, you should see my uncle!’ “You’re going to use your niece to pick up girls?” You ask, still chuckling. “You don’t even need help in the lady department. Women already love you.”

“I know. But beautiful chicks love babies. I’ll hit the jackpot with the cutie. We’re going to be best buddies.” He tells you as he gives your belly a quick and affectionate rub.

Your heart swells at dean’s obvious love and excitement for the baby. You wish Sam felt this much excitement for the baby. He should be over the moon right now. He’s the dad. But he isn’t. And it’s not his fault but it doesn’t make you feel any less sad.

“Hey, you okay?” Dean asks, concern in his eyes as he puts the onesies in your store bag. “You’re frowning.”

You nod your head quickly and force a smile. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Y/N…”

“I’m okay, Dean.” You interrupt softly. “I’m good. I’m gonna go see what Sam and Cas have picked out. You can keep looking.”

Before Dean can reply, you’re walking away, tightly gripping the handles of the bag as you make your way to the other boys. You don’t feel like talking about it. You’ve had this conversation with Dean several times before. There’s nothing you can do right now to change it. Thinking about it or lingering on the topic too long will only make you upset. And because you’re pregnant, the negative feelings are more intense than usual.

As you’re approaching the boys, you’re studying the expressions on their faces. Sam looks mildly annoyed, as usual, and Castiel seems intrigued by the tiny sized clothing. “You okay there, Cas?” You ask with a hint of a chuckle when you reach the tall men, standing in between them before waiting for an answer from the angel.

“I didn’t know they make so much clothing for such a tiny human.” He responds, his curious eyes still staring at the clothing before him. His eyes rake over a few more onesies before he turns to you. “They definitely didn’t have this options available to them in the Stone Age.”

You try to hold back a laugh as you nod. “I agree, Cas. Do you see anything you think you would want the baby to wear?”

“Well,” He gestures to his arm which has a onesie and a pair of footsie pajamas draped over it. “I’m sure you’ll be able to see why I’m partial to them.”

You smile at Castiel sweetly before you pick up the footsie pajamas. At first you don’t understand why Castiel picked it out. They’re just plain white footsie pajamas. Simple. That is, until you turn them around and see the miniature angel wings attached to the back. “Oh, Cas.” You say with a soft sigh. “I love it. She’s going to look absolutely adorable.” Castiel smiles at your reaction as you put the pajamas in your store bag. “And the onesie?”

“Oh, well, I-” He fumbles with the onesie before he places in your hands.

The minute you see what’s written on the onesie you start to tear up. Written in script, in the colors pink and purple, is ‘My uncle is my guardian angel’. Behind the words are two white wings.

“I know I’m not really her uncle but I wanted to make it known to you that I will be watching over her.” He promises you, sincerity in his baby blues.

“I-I don’t know what to say.” You tell him as a tear slips down your cheek. You’re not sure why you’re crying right now, it’s probably hormones, but at least they’re happy tears.

“You okay?” You hear Sam ask from your left and feel his hand gently press against the small of your back. Before you can answer Sam, from the corner of your eye, you see Castiel’s sincere expression change into one of a frightened puppy. “I-I’m sorry, Y/N, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

You laugh, a few more tears escaping your eyes before freeing one of your hands to wipe them away. “I’m fine, Cas. It’s beautiful. I love it.” You finally tell him. “I know you’re not her biological uncle but I would love for her to think of you as another uncle.” A rush of warmth goes through you when you see Castiel’s eyes light up at your words.

“Uncle Cas. It actually has a nice ring to it.” Sam comments with a shrug.

“Absolutely.” You agree with a wide smile before you pull Castiel in for a tight hug. It means a lot to you that Castiel is thinking of himself as the baby’s uncle and her guardian angel. It means, just like Dean, he already cares for her and is ready to protect her at any cost. They love her and you couldn’t be happier.

“I’m very pleased with your response.” Castiel says as you two pull away from your choices.

“And I’m very pleased with your choices.” You respond cheekily before you put the onesie in the bag.

“Sorry to interrupt,” The three of you turn around to face Dean, who is holding a tiny Batman hat. “I found this.” He hands it over to you and you almost want to squeal it’s so cute. “You can pair it with her Batman onesie. She’ll be Batgirl.” He tells you with an excited smile.

“This is the cutest thing! Where did you find it?” You ask as you coo over the head cover.

“The hat section. They have a bunch of them.”

“Show me!” You demand excitedly.

Matching your smile, Dean grabs your hand, softly tugs you forward, and leads you to the hat section, which is in the next aisle. You’re not so sure why Dean is excited until you reach the display of hats. They have a whole row of Superhero themed hats. You see Batman, Superman, Spiderman hats and some others. It’s cool and adorable at the same time.

“They’re all so cute!” You comment as you look them all over.

“I’m not sure if the baby is going to need this many hats.” Castiel tells you.

You shake your head and laugh. “We’re not going to buy all of them, Cas.”

“Why not?” Dean pipes up with a deep frown etched into his face.

“There are other things we need to buy for her, Dean. Babies are expensive.” You remind him.

Dean rolls his eyes as he puts a Green Lantern hat back on the shelf. “Okay fine, I’ll settle for three hats.”

“Sounds fair.” You nod your head and glance over to your left. Sam is about ten feet away, seemingly examining the onesies before him with a confused look on his face when you see a beautiful and slender redheaded woman approach him. To be honest, you don’t know Sam’s been sleeping with other women since you getting pregnant. You don’t know how he’d even have the time to do it. If he’s not with you, he’s hunting or researching for a hunt. You suppose he could make time, though. He is soulless, after all.

“Hey, Y/N, which-“

“You and Cas can pick them out.” You interrupt quickly without turning around, still eyeing Sam and the redhead. You pick up a random hat from the shelf, not wanting to make it seem to obvious that you’re watching them. You pretend to examine the hat, glancing over periodically as they’re conversing. You can only hear bits and pieces of their conversation.

“Hey there, beautiful man, Need help with….”

“…I can help myself…”

“…Seem lonely to me, I can change…”

“Again,…I’m all good.”

“…sure? I can…worth your while…”

You swear you see Sam look in your direction so you keep your eyes glued to the hat in your hands. After about ten seconds, you look over and see Sam walking towards you. You can’t read his expression and you don’t really want to try to decipher it so you return your gaze to the hat. Forgetting that Sam has legs for days and takes long ass strides, you get startled at his quick and sudden presence.

“Don’t-” You release a breath while pressing a hand against your chest in an attempt to calm your racing heart. “Don’t do that.”

“My bad.” He apologizes with a slight chuckle.

You shake your head. “It’s fine, I was just-“

“Watching me?” He finishes for you with a smirk. “Yeah, you do that a lot.”

“I was just, y’know, like…” You gesture to the air, trying to find the words you want coming out of your mouth.

“Yeah?” He asks, his smirk still intact.

“I…” You decide to give up. “Sorry?” You offer with a sheepish smile.

“Don’t be.” He says, shaking his head. “I get it. I wouldn’t trust me either.” He finishes with a chuckle.

You don’t really know how to respond to that. You can’t say you disagree with him.

“If it means anything, she asked me if I wanted to go over to her place and I said no.”

“Really?” You ask, genuinely surprised. You didn’t actually think he had it in him to say no.

“Wow, you really have that little faith in me?” He asks with a laugh.

You shrug. “You tell me.”

Sam nods, understanding what you’re getting at. “I also told her I already have someone and that ‘someone’ is having my baby.” Your breath hitches at his words.

“Really?”

He nods. “I figured it was the right thing to do. It was the right thing to do, right?”

You chuckle as you nod. “Yes, Sam, it was. Thank you.” As you’re chuckling, you’re thinking about a specific onesie you saw on your way to the hat section. “I need to show you something.” You completely forget about Dean and Castiel as you drag Sam back in the direction he walked back. You stop at the end of the aisle and smile. “What do you think about this onesie for the baby?” You tiptoe and point up at the pink onesie with the Superman logo on it. Under the logo, written in black, are the words ‘My Daddy is Superman’.

After a few seconds, you stop tiptoeing and are now looking up at Sam, who has the cockiest smirk on his face. “I thought you said you didn’t think of me as Superman.”

“I don’t.” You shrug. But our daughter might. Y’know, because of your protective nature and all that jazz.”

“We’ll see.”

“We will.” You agree.

There’s a small moment of silence before Sam speaks up. “Y’know, since we’re picking out onesies, why don’t you get this one?” You watch as Sam grabs a gray onesie that’s hangs two spots above the Superman onesie. He hands it over to you and open it before you cradle it in your hands. Next to the orange figure, written in black, are the words ‘My mom is one tough mudder.’

You smile widely to yourself, amazed at this moment. The fact that Sam is even in a store, shopping for baby clothes with you, is unbelievable. And now you’re looking at a onesie he picked out himself, one that made him think of you. Wow.

“You’re not going to cry again, are you? Because if you are, I’m going to leave. Once is enough for me.”

You take your eyes off the onesie and look at Sam, who is now grimacing because he can’t handle you crying another time. You laugh at his expression and shake your head. “No, Sam, I’m not. But do you really think I’m tough?”

“I do. You’re one tough cookie.”


	10. Baby Fever

“I look and feel like a beached whale.” You groan out loud as you walk into the kitchen. 

“Well, you’re almost seven months. What do you expect?” Sam comments before he takes a sip of his coffee. 

“Dude!” Dean whispers harshly as he punches Sam in the shoulder, almost making Sam spit out his morning drink.

"What the hell, man?“ Sam responds, placing the mug on the table before wiping away some of the coffee that is now dribbling down his chin. 

You shoot daggers at Sam as he cleans himself up, waiting for him to look up so you can give him a piece of your mind. Once his eyes find yours he recognizes the expression on your face, the one that tells him he’s said or done something wrong.

“You want to say that again, Samuel?” You ask rhetorically. “Because I don’t think I heard you correctly.”

“I didn’t mean-”

“Unless you want me to punch you in the throat I suggest you shut the hell up.” You interrupt him, your words full of fire.

Sam swallows his words, knowing fully well that you will follow through with your threat if you’re given the opportunity. "You’re so fucking insensitive, I hate you.“ You say angrily as you storm right back out of the kitchen. As you’re waddling back to your room, you hear Dean trying to convince Sam to go after you.

"Go apologize!” He says quickly.

“Are you kidding, she’ll chop my balls off!”

“You hurt her feelings. You don’t go around calling pregnant women fat.”

“I wasn’t calling her-”

“Especially when they’re carrying your baby.” Dean interrupts, finishing his thoughts.

You hear Sam let out a defeated sigh before hearing the scrape of a kitchen chair, indicating he’s on his way to you. You hear his slow and heavy footsteps, knowing he’s walking slowly because, due to the extra weight you’re carrying, it’ll take you a little longer to get to your room. A few seconds after you enter the room, you hear a knock. You roll your eyes before turning around and opening the door.

“Yes?” You ask once you see Sam’s tall frame standing in your doorway.

"I’m sorry.“ He says with a sigh. 

"That’s your apology, really?” You cross your arms, softly resting them on your protruding belly. Sam gives you an exaggerated shrug before he responds. 

“Well, I’m not even sure what I’m apologizing for.”

“You called me a beached whale, you turd.” You remind him, your tone full of resentment.

“Well, you compared yourself to a whale. Whales are big and since you’ve gotten pregnant, so are you. I wasn’t trying to be mean. I was just agreeing with you. Apparently, that was the wrong thing to do.” You can hear the slight tone of annoyance in his voice and it’s making you even more frustrated. How does he not get it?

“It was the wrong thing to do, Sam. I-” You pause and let out a surprised sound when you feel a sturdy kick from baby Winchester.

"You okay?“ Sam asks. "Is something wrong?” You shake your head, unfold your arms, and place a hand on your stomach.

“I’m fine. She just kicked. I was surprised.” “Why’d she kick?” “She probably senses I’m upset.” You sigh. “It could also be that she hears you.”

Sam gives you a confused look. “Hears me? What do you mean?”

Another sigh from you. “I don’t know, every time she hears your voice, she starts kicking like crazy.”

“Every time she hears my voice? Why?”

You shrug. “I guess she knows you’re her dad.” You take a breath when you feel a couple more kicks from her. 

“Are you okay?” Sam asks. You glare at him, reminding him that you’re still upset with him.

“I’m fine.” Another kick. “Someone seems to really like you.”

Sam smirks and you shake your head. “It doesn’t mean I like you right now, Samuel.”

Sam sighs, obviously wanting to be done with this dragging conversation. “What can I do to make it up to you? What will make mama happy?” Sam finishes his sentence and you snicker.

“Mama, really?”

Sam shrugs with a small smile on his face. “I was trying to get you to smile so maybe you would stop looking so angry. Contrary to popular belief, I do care when you’re upset.”

You can’t help but smile back at him. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have to make it up to you. “I know what you can do to make it up to me. You’re coming with me to Lamaze class.” You were going to make him come with you anyway but this is better because now he’ll put up less of a fight.

“Lamaze class? What the hell is that?" 

"It’s a class that teaches us healthy birth practices for safe childbirth and labor.” You tell him eloquently. Sam just stares at you like he has no idea what you just said. You’re sure he doesn’t. You sigh.

“Breathing techniques, Sam. It’ll help me manage the pain of giving birth.”

“Why do I need to go?” “Because I’m not exactly going to be thinking clearly since I’ll be shoving a human through my vagina. I need you to be there to help me go through it.” You tell him, your annoyance level rising again. “I need you to be an active participant and help me get through it.”

“Thanks for the visual.” He comments with a sarcastic smile. 

“Oh, get over it you big baby.” You respond with a roll of the eyes.

Sam lets out a defeated sigh. “When’s the class?”

“This afternoon.” You answer with a pleased smile.

*

“Okay, can someone please tell me why Cas and I had to come?” Dean whispers harshly from the right of you. 

You mimic the Lamaze instructor’s actions, slowly breathing in and out before answering Dean’s question in the same harsh whisper. “Because all three of you should know this. It’s important.“

"I agree with Y/N.” Castiel whispers from your left. 

“No one friggin’ asked you, Cas!” Dean replies sharply, his voice just above a whisper. Your knee-jerk reaction is to punch that sensitive spot between Dean’s legs. You know you’ve hit your target when he lets out a loud grunt, making him double over while catching the attention of the couples surrounding you. You scramble your brain for an explanation. “I told him to imagine how it would feel if he were to give birth.” You tell them with a forced smile. Although skeptical, they seem to accept this answer and turn back around. You’re thankful you’re sitting at the very back of the room. You would have been extremely embarrassed if Dean had gotten the instructor’s attention.

“Sam!” Dean squeaks, lifting up his head for a second before bringing it back down between his legs again. 

“Don’t bring me into it. You’re the one who upset her.” Sam says from behind you, his tone disapproving. You bite your lip trying not to release a snicker in response to Sam’s reply

“Alright, I want the daddies to now practice saying encouraging words while the mommies practice their breathing techniques.” You hear the instructor say as you sit cross legged. You nod to no one in particular and are about to start the rhythmic breathing when Sam speaks up.

“What exactly am I supposed to say?” Sam asks as he places his large hands on your thighs. 

You shrug. “I don’t know. Tell me I’m doing great. Say something that’ll motivate me.” You tell him. “Uh, okay.” You roll your eyes at his response and start your breathing exercise. “Hee hee, hoo. Hee hee, hoo.”

“You’re doing great, Y/N.” Sam says with a bit of hesitation.

“Hee hee, hoo.”

“You’re…doing really well there.”

“Hee hee, hoo.”

“Just keep doing what you’re doing. Yeah, like that. Just-“

“Sam.” You interrupt him.

“Yeah?”

“How about you say nothing at all?” You suggest.

“Got it.”

*

“Is there something going on here?” You ask as Dean opens the passenger door of the impala. 

“Why would you ask that?” Dean asks as you slowly swing your legs over the leather seat and plant your feet on the concrete ground.

“You made me wear this white dress, for one.” You tell him as your right hand grips the edge of the opening of the car. “I mean, it’s comfortable and it makes me feel pretty but why I needed to wear it.” You slowly begin to lift yourself up, using the edge of the car as leverage.

“I just wanted you to feel good about yourself today.” He explains as he places a firm hand on your back and grabs your free hand, aiding you in successfully standing up.

“Thanks.” You huff once you’re standing upright. Carrying all this extra weight makes getting up from anywhere tiresome.

“No problem, sweetheart.” He replies before he closes the door.

“That’s really nice of you, thinking of me and making me want to feel good.” You smile. “But you didn’t have to take me out to breakfast or drive an hour and a half to get me cronuts.”

“You were craving them. Have you seen yourself when you don’t get something you don’t crave?” He asks with a skeptical smile. “I needed to get them.” He chuckles and starts to lead you to the house.

“Yeah, you’re right. Where’s Sam again?”

“He went to pick something up with Bobby. They wouldn’t tell me what it was.” Dean shrugs.

“I don’t see the need to be secretive, unless what he’s doing is stupid and wrong.” You tell him.

“Nah, he’s with Bobby. He’s fine, trust me.” Dean reassures you as you two approach the door.

He stuffs his hands into one of his pockets and pulls out his copy of the Bobby’s house keys. He sticks the main key into the hole and jiggles it. “Bobby really needs to fix this damn door.” After a minute or two of fumbling with the key, Dean manages to open the door.

You walk in first, taking note of the unusually dark hallway. “Why is it so dark in here?’ You ask out loud, still walking towards the opening of the living room.  
“No idea.” Dean answers.

You reach the opening of the living room and see that the entire room is pitch black. “Dean-”

“SURPRISE!”

A unison of voices and the sudden light that fills the room makes you grab your chest. Thankfully, the shock quickly wears off and a smile finds its way onto your face when you see Castiel and Bobby, along with your dear friend Charlie.

 

“W-What’s going on?” You ask happily as you turn around and stare at Dean for an explanation.

Dean smiles and holds up his hands in surrender. “Hey, don’t look at me. This was all Cas’ idea.”

You turn back around and your eyes search for Castiel, finding him in the middle of the room. “Cas?”

His beautiful blue eyes have a hint of embarrassment in them as he gives you a sheepish smile. “I remember you mentioning wanting to have a baby shower but you never talked about actually planning one.” He shrugs adorably. “I didn’t know what it was at first so I looked it up. I just thought it would be a nice surprise.”

It’s not until he says the words “baby shower” that you begin to notice the decorations that you were too surprised to see before. The ceiling is covered in pink and white balloons along with dangling streamers of the same colors. There’s a decent sized sign that reads ‘It’s a girl!’ at the far end of the room. To your right is a table covered in white tablecloth with all sorts of stuff on it. You see pacifiers, a giant bottle of m&m’s, a ball of yarn, play-dough, and baby bottles filled with what looks to be apple juice but you’re pretty sure it’s beer. In the middle of the table is a pink and white cake that has ‘Congratulations Y/N and Sam!’ written on it.

Your eyes are about to go back to Castiel when you see a beautifully decorated white chair sandwiched the two couches with a pile of gifts next to it. The edges of the chair are covered with pink material along with pink flowers and green bows, which have polka dots all over them. In the middle of the chair is a small and comfy looking green pillow.

Castiel follows your line of vision to the chair a few feet behind him. “Do you like it? I hope you do.” He confesses, still looking at the chair. Your heart swells at how attentive Castiel is and how he cares so much that he’ll go through this much trouble to make you happy. You feel your eyes water as you waddle towards him. “I know the decorations are quite simple but I wanted to make sure I didn’t want to overdo it because I know-” You cut him off mid-sentence when you reach him, tightly wrapping your arms around his waist and pressing your face against his chest. You can feel the slight surprise by his lack of movement but it only lasts for a second before he returns the hug, squeezing you just as tightly. A few tears leak out as Castiel comfortingly puts his head on top of yours, making you feel incredibly loved. After a few seconds, you leave his arms, wiping the tears that are sliding down your cheeks, a smile on your face.

“Thanks, Cas. This is beautiful.” You sniffle as you continue to wipe your eyes.

“Those are happy tears I presume?” Castiel asks, a mix of fear and hope in his voice.

You nod, the smile still on your face. “Yes, Cas. This is great. You’re great.”

Castiel smiles, relief evident in his face. “Good, good.”

Your attention turns to Charlie as you haven’t seen her in a while. “Charlie!”

“Hello, pretty mama.” She says, a sly smile on her face before she embraces you.

“I’ve missed you so much!” You say as you kiss her cheek.

“And I, you.” She replies as you release her from your hold.

“This is so exciting!” You say giddily as you survey the room once more. “And this was all you, Cas?”

Castiel shakes his head. “I had help. Dean and I got the decorations while Bobby and Sam got the cake. Charlie helped us all set up. I figured she has more experience with these types of things than any of us.”

“Thank you.” You give Charlie another kiss on the cheek before you waddle over to Bobby and give him the same love. “All of you.”

“Alright.” Dean says excitedly. “Let’s get this party started.”

The next hour and a half is spent playing baby shower games. You play the belly measurement game in which everyone cuts pieces of yarn to a length that they think matches the circumference of your belly. Surprisingly, Castiel wins this one. He explains this win by telling everyone he just happens to be an angel that is good at guessing. You test his statement with the next game where everyone has to guess how many m&m’s are in the giant baby bottle. Castiel guesses five hundred and sixty two, which makes Dean yell because “How the hell could he friggin’ know that!?” To which Castiel responds, “I’m an angel, Dean. I could fill countries with how much I know.”

The next thing everyone does is sculpt babies out of play dough. Again, Dean and Castiel come to a head when Castiel presents his one-eyed play dough baby. “What the hell is that? Why does it only have one eye?” To which Castiel responds, “don’t be insensitive. There is such a thing as Cyclopia, Dean.” It’s a birth defect that results in a baby having one eye.“ Charlie types in the name of the birth defect in her Google search bar and holds up the phone in front of Dean, which displays a picture of a one-eyed baby with the explanation of Cyclopia underneath. "The angel’s right, Dean. Just deal with it.”

The next game is similar to bobbing for apples, only you’re bobbing for nipples (the tops of baby bottles). It’s funny watching everyone bob for them, especially Bobby. The second he comes out of the water and yells “Balls!”, that’s when you know he didn’t get any. The winner of this game is Sam. You’re sure this man has to have hidden gills because there is no way he was able to stay underwater for so long. But he does, and he comes out on top.

The next game everyone plays is one that Dean swears he’s going to win. He says this because the participant who chugs their baby bottle of beer first is victorious. “Now this is something I’m good at. Let’s do this” He tells everyone before the race begins. Dean wins, which makes you happy because you really don’t want to hear him whine about his losses anymore. He doesn’t whine but he does chug more of the bottles of beer.

After the baby bottle game, everyone takes a break to eat and drink. There’s a lot of joking, laughing, and reminiscing. It’s the first time in a while that you’ve seen genuine happiness on everyone’s face.

“Okay, pictures before we cut the cake!” Charlie announces before she makes everyone pose with you behind the table. “Okay, now I need some pictures of just mommy and daddy.”

“Uh, I don’t think…” You start, thinking about how uncomfortable this can turn out to be.

“Behind the table, momma! You too, dad!” She waves you over to the table.

“Just a few pictures…” You tell yourself as you get behind the table with Sam right next to you.

“Smile!”

Flash.

“Okay, now, Sam place your hand on her belly.” Charlie instructs him. Surprisingly, Sam does what he’s told and places a tentative hand on your bump. “Don’t forget to smile, Sam! You’re happy for the moment, not soulless!”

Flash.

“Alright, Sam, now I want you to hold Y/N from behind.” It’s a couple of seconds before you feel his presence behind you and he places his hands on your belly once again. “Smile, Sam!”

Flash.

“Beautiful! Now Sam, I want you to kiss Y/N’s belly.”

“Why would I do that?” Sam asks.

“Because you care for this child and the mother of your child. Plus, it makes for a really cute picture. Please, Sam.” Charlie pleads.

Sam steps out from behind you and his eyes are on you. “Do you want me to do what she’s asking?” He doesn’t seem angry or upset. It seems like he genuinely wants to know what you think.

“It would be a really nice picture, Sam.” You admit softly.

“So it would make you happy?” He asks, his brown eyes gazing through your soul it seems.

You take a second to breathe. “Yeah. Yeah, it would.”

He nods and gets his knees before he places his hands on either side of your belly. You look down and gasp quietly when you not only see, but also feel his lips touch your belly.

Flash.

You can’t help but smile at the sight. It’s beautiful. He’s beautiful.

Flash.

Your breath hitches when he looks up at you, hands still on your belly. “Was that okay?”

Flash.

You nod, a small smile on your face.

Flash.

“Good, I’m glad.” He gives you a small smile.

Flash.

A light kick catches yours and Sam’s attention. “That’s her?”

“Yep. I told you, she hears your voice and she kicks. It’s an immediate reaction.”

“Heh. That’s kind of weird.” He admits to you with a seemingly fearful smile as he looks back up at you.

Flash.

You feel another kick from the inside and smile. “Maybe. Or maybe she just likes the sound of your voice. ”

“But why?” He asks, confusion on his face.

Flash.

You shrug. “Like I said, she knows you’re her dad. She loves you already.”

Flash.

Another kick causes him to look back down at your belly. “I’m not sure why you like me. Not a lot of people do. They say I’m mean and insensitive.” He pauses. “You don’t even know me. You don’t know me at all. And I don’t know you either so you should be insignificant.” Another kick. “It’s really strange but,” Another pause from him. “I think I might be starting to like you too.”

Flash.


	11. Arrived

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My lovely best friend pointed out to me that I posted this chapter as its own body of work and not part of 'Soulless Mate'. Sorry about that!

"His bond with the baby is getting stronger." Castiel tells you. 

"Is that why he's been acting out of character lately?" The changes in his behavior have been subtle but there's been enough of a difference for everyone to notice, especially you.

Castiel answers your question with a nod. "Sooner or later he will become attached to her just as he's attached to you."

"I still don't understand how this is still possible even though he doesn't have a soul." 

“None of this is emotional. It's all biological, so his soul plays no part in the matter."

You can't help but frown at his words. "It's kind of weird though, how much care he shows now." "

“That care comes from his instinct to protect, not from his heart." Castiel reiterates.

"I know. You've said this before." You sigh, deep disappointment in your tone.

"What's wrong?" Castiel asks, his voice laced with concern.

"I don't know." You shrug. " I just-" You pause and let out another sigh. "I just want Sam's soul to be returned before the baby gets here."

"It's still possible, Y/N." Castiel tries to reassure you.

You shake your head. "I'm already nine months, Cas. The doctor says I can go into labor any day now."

Castiel takes your hands in his. "Dean and I are still here, Y/N. We're going to help with her."

"I know." You look down at your round belly and picture your daughter inside. A daughter that will probably never know her father. Not really. "It just wasn't supposed to be this way, y'know? We were supposed to get married and get a house." You feel your eyes begin to tear up as you think about what should have been. "We were supposed to quit hunting a-and start working. We..." Those are the only words you can get out before you start to cry. Castiel lets out a sad sigh before pulling you into him, leaning your head against his chest. Castiel doesn't say anything as you cry. Instead, he strokes your hair in hopes it'll give you some sort of comfort. You're buried in his chest, tears leaving your eyes and creating small puddles on his white shirt for a minute or two before you feel a sense of calmness come over you. Your tears stop and you almost forget what upset you in the first place.

"How are you feeling, Y/N?" He asks, expectancy in his tone. You lift your head up slowly, bewildered at your sudden change of mood.

"I'm actually feeling okay." You look into his blue eyes, confusion etched into your facial features. "That's really weird." You say to yourself as you wipe the stray tears on your cheeks.

"It's actually not so strange." Castiel tells you.

"What do you mean?" You ask, even more confused now.

"As an angel of lord, I'm able to manipulate your mood."

"You mean like Jasper from Twilight?" You blurt out before you can stop the words from coming out of your mouth.

A look of confusion takes over Castiel's face. "Are you talking about the movie with the inaccurately portrayed vampires? You and I know that vampires do not 'glitter', they-"

"Never mind, Cas." You cut him off with a bit of a chuckle. "Well, I do feel better, so thanks for that."

The confusion on Castiel's promptly fades away and is replaced with a warm smile. "It's my pleasure, Y/N."

You feel your stomach grumble as your moment with Castiel ends. "Now," You wipe your eyes. "I will make myself something to eat; I have a serious craving for some tacos." You huff. "Come on," You pat his thigh. "I'll make some for everyone."

"I will not stand in your way. You can get scary when you're hungry." You chuckle as he helps you off the bed. "As much as I would love to stay for tacos, I must go." His smile falters and his tone reveals his slight disappointment.

I'll save you some." Your promise of food brings the smile back to his face, which is exactly what you wanted. You give him a side hug, one arm encircling his waist, the side of your protruding belly softly pressing into his stomach. "Be safe, okay?" You tell him as you step back. "

I'll try my best." He says before he pulls his disappearing act on you, the familiar sound of fluttering wings filling your ears.

"Okay, time for food." You say to yourself before you waddle out of your room. As you make your way into the kitchen and see Dean with his back turned. He's probably making his sixth cup of coffee.

"Hey, momma." He greets you, his back still turned. 

"How-" 

"Your footsteps. They're not exactly light."

You hear him lightly chuckle and you shake your head in response even though he can't see you.

"What's for dinner, momma?" He finally turns around with, you guessed it, a cup of joe in his hand.

"Tacos." You see Dean break out into a grin as you make your way to the counter. You outstretch your arms and pull on the small knobs to open the cupboard above you. It takes a bit of effort since your belly makes it difficult to properly grasp the handles but you get the job done. Unfortunately, once the cupboard's open, you see that it's practically impossible for you to grab any of the ingredients.

"Need help there?" You look over in time to see Dean take a sip of coffee.

"Please." You sigh.

As Dean reaches for the stuff you feel a hard kick from the baby along with a small pop. Immediately after the pop, you feel a gush of fluid leave your body.

"Y/N, did you just pee on yourself?" Dean asks, clear disgust on his face. "I mean I know you're pregnant, but come on." You follow his line of vision to the puddle of clear liquid on the floor beneath you. You've read about this on pregnancy forums. It takes you about a second for it to register. Your water just broke.

"Dean, that's not pee." You look back up at Dean, wide eyed.

"What do you mean?" He asks as he looks back up at you. Once his eyes lock with yours, and he sees the look on your face, terror takes over. "W-What do we do!?"

"Get my hospital bag and get Sam!" You practically yell at him and he nods furiously before he runs out of the kitchen.

"SAMMMMM!" You hear Dean yell as he runs through the corridor, obvious fear in his voice. You would have laughed if you weren't feeling so terrified yourself. Not even a minute goes by before you hear two sets of footsteps quickly making their way down the corridor. It's not long before the boys reveal themselves, Sam holding a black duffel bag and Dean carrying a car seat that was supposed to have been installed a week ago.

"You haven't put in the car seat?" You ask in disbelief, your voice almost shrill. Your eyes dart between the two of them as you scold them. Dean looks like a deer caught in the headlights, his green eyes a mix of surprise and fear. He stares at you for a good five seconds before he makes a beeline for the door, rushing past you and swinging the door open with one hand before exiting the house. You watch as the door slams right behind the shorter of the brothers before you face Sam. "Well?" You ask expectantly.

"Don't look at me. He was the one who was supposed to install it." He tells you as he shrugs.

You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose. "Let's just go."

*

It's been two days since your baby girl arrived. Her birth had been long and painful but it was all worth it once you got to hold her in your arms for the very first time.

You watch with a smile as Dean feeds her with a bottle of your breast milk. After a couple of minutes, she chugs the last of it. "Someone was hungry." Dean jokes as he cradles the baby with one arm and passes you the empty bottle with a free hand. "She gets it from her uncle." He tells you as he changes the baby's position, carefully lying her small body on the left side of his chest, resting her fragile head on his broad shoulder. One hand is placed under her bottom while the other gently pats her back to help release any gas she may have.

"Where's Sam?" You ask as Dean paces the room with the baby. He stops for a second and gives you a bewildered look.

"I don't know. But he better get here soon because we need to have a talk."

"A talk? About what?" You ask.

"Sam's soul." He says simply. 

"What about Sam's soul?" You ask hesitantly. You're not sure if this is good news or bad news. Dean hasn't talked about Sam's soul in a couple of weeks. You all have been too busy preparing for the baby.

"I found a way to get it back." 

Your breath hitches at his words. These are the words you've been waiting to hear ever since learning Sam was soulless.

"H-How?"

"I talked to Death and-" You stop him.

"You talked to Death?"

"Yeah, and?" He replies, slight annoyance in his voice.

You choose to ignore his tone. "How?"

"Doesn't matter." He answers as his head turns to take a quick peek at his niece. "What matters is that there's a way we can get Sam back." He tells you as his gaze finds his way back to you. As much as you're excited to learn that there's a way to get Sam's soul back, you're really worried about what Death will ask in return. He's not just going to do this out of the goodness of his heart.

"There's a way to get my soul back?" Sam interrupts your thoughts and your eyes follow the sound of his voice to the open door a few feet away. Dean's gaze lands on Sam as he walks into the baby's room.

"Yeah."

"How?" Sam asks.

"Well..." Dean starts off slowly. "Death agreed to go fetch your soul if I do his job for a day."

"Do his job?" Sam lets out a soft chuckle. "You have to be Death for a day?"

"That's what he said." Dean replies.

"I don't understand. How are you supposed to be him for a day?" You ask, unsure of how this is supposed to play out.

"His ring." Dean reminds you both of the jewelry all four of the horsemen wear to harness their powers. "I wear his ring, and suddenly, I'm the new Death."

"It's that simple?" Sam asks, skepticism in his voice. 

"How hard could it be? I just take people when it's their time." He doesn't sound worried at all.

Sam looks over to you. "It sounds easy." He shrugs.

"You're soulless. Everything's easy for you." You remind him as you roll your eyes.

Everything except feeling." He replies with a cock of an eyebrow.

"Anyway," you give Sam a hard glare before you return your attention to Dean. "I don't know how I feel about this."

"It's the only option we have, Y/N." He tells you. "Are there any repercussions if you don't do his job?" You ask. You want to know everything about this deal.

"Nope. Just that Sam doesn't get his soul back."

"That's it?" You ask. This almost seems too easy. 

"You know Death is a man of his word. He's not going to screw us over." Dean says, most likely to try to calm your nerves. It doesn't work. But you don't know what else to say.

"I guess." You sigh.

"It's going to be fine, Y/N." Dean gives you a small smile. Another attempt to try to reassure you.

You don't return the smile. "If you say so."

Dean's about to say something when your daughter starts fussing in his arms. "Shhhh, it's alright." Dean says in a low and soft voice as he begins to pace the room again. But his effort to comfort her is to no avail as the baby starts to whimper. Seeing your daughter in distress is making your motherly instinct kick in, and all you want to do is cradle her and kiss her tears away. 

"Give her here." Sam interrupts your worried thoughts as he gestures for Dean to bring his daughter to him. You watch as Dean walks over to Sam and hands her over. You notice once she's in Sam's arms, she immediately starts to quiet down. Your daughter's response to Sam's touch tugs on your heart strings and the corners of your lips turn upward to form a smile. With the baby in his arms, Sam sits up straight and cautiously places her on the left side of his chest, just as Dean had done. Beginning to pat her back, Sam looks up to see Dean staring at him.

"Can I help you?" Sam asks his brother as he continues to burp the baby, a mix of curiosity and mild annoyance on his face. Dean furrows his eyebrows in response.

"Nothing, it's just...weird."

“You're weird." Sam replies childishly. 

Dean scoffs. "Not as weird as you. You don't feel."

“Yeah, and that's why I'm the better hunter." Sam retorts with a smirk.

"Boys, can you not?" You step in before they can really start to bicker. Dean throws his hands up in surrender while you see Sam revel in the fact that he got the last word. You shake your head, an indication of your disapproval and bring the attention back to the discussion. "When is the deal happening?"

"Today." Dean answers. "I'm actually supposed to meet him in about an hour."

"An hour? You chose to tell us about this an hour beforehand?"

"You're lucky I told you at all." Dean scoffs.

"Oh, so you're the one who makes all the decisions now? Sam and I have no say?" You retort, upset Dean thinks he can do these things without, at the very least, consulting you.

"You just had a baby, Y/N." Dean tells you sternly. "I didn't want to put more stress on you."

"I understand, I really do, but this is Sam's soul we're talking about. I should be clued in on things like this. I need to be. He's the love of my life, Dean. And more importantly," You sigh."He's the father of my child."

"I get it. You only want the best for the little one." He glances at your daughter, a small smile on his face. "We all do." He walks over to you and pulls you into a hug, slightly surprising you, before planting a reassuring kiss on your cheek. "I'm gonna get him back, Y/N. For you and for her. Especially for her." He whispers in your ear.

"Okay." You whisper back.


End file.
